Inmate Floyd, Everybody Hates Kris, Mel Divorces Life

Floyd got himself 87 days in jail. Pretty much because he's a douche who likes to beat up on women (do a bit of google-search if you disagree and feel so inclined), has gotten away with it for a good while, and he went up against a woman judge who felt like he should practice "protecting himself at all times" from inmates.
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/boxing/story/2011-12-21/floyd-mayweather-jail-time/52144742/1

Love to see Floyd fight. One of the best, one of my faves. Not a fan of his person though. I don't exalt someone because of talent. You wouldn't like him AT ALL if he was a guy you kinda knew and behaved how he does. This ain't about race and sports and society too much with him. He's a douche, a jerk. And you'd be concerned on many levels if you were around someone like that for a significant amount of time. I've been around such dudes. They don't care about anyone's physical well-being, they are petty and prone to humiliating others, they are a threat to females in a number of ways, and they have no remorse about any of it. Their douchery is self-recharging, each act enabling the next to be done with greater gusto. Don't look for reasons to idolize such characters due to them being uniquely skilled.

New Jersey Net Kris Humphries, who is somewhere in this pic stuffed in between Kim Kardashian's asscheeks, was booed mercilessly at a preseason game vs. the Knicks at MSG. He was also voted the Most Disliked Player in the NBA, surpassing Lebron James. http://espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/story/_/id/7379217/kris-humphries-most-disliked-nba-player-according-survey

First off, people booed LJ because he's attention-seeking, immature, soft and they'd rather he have a li'l more AI in him (although he's infinitely less bitch-made than Kobe in my opinion). They didn't boo KH for similar reasons, but then again that doesn't matter at all. Well, no, it kinda does. Although foul, the reasons I listed for booing LJ are generally accepted within the manly culture of sports. But as far as KH, it seems like he's being booed for reasons that would mark the booers guilty of bitchassness to a much greater degree than anything they are charging KH with. Because none of the reasons for booing him are acceptable coming from any self-professed sporting sort. I mean, was he booed as the villain in the marriage sham? Was he unlikable on the show? (Like anyone should give a DAMN about THAT.) Do the boos mean the fans side with Kim? I still don't get it. Because if the boos were that loud, they must have come from both genders. But let's say they didn't. If they came from women mostly, I have to say that those are some confused bitches because personally, I've NEVER met a chick who likes Kim K or cares about any bad luck that befalls her. (Then again, maybe the mob mentality revealed their true colors and showed how much support bitches really do have for her because she HAS made ten figures off of her ability to garner attention and NOTHING else.) But more than likely, the boos came from men as well, and well, that's not so acceptable, is it? I mean, you go to MSG to see STARLEMANDER (jump on that nickname for our new big three, it'll get going eventually) hold (front)court after a lockout, and you choose to expend energy jeering the doofy reality show refugee (instead of Jared Jeffries)? *shrugs* I guess if you pay for a seat, you can pass game time heckling the beer vendor if you want to. You'd just be a bigger loser than last (and this) year's Netropolitans for doing so. This is where I stand: Personally, I have no qualms with the way it all (the marriage, I mean) went down on his end. At first I thought he was a "suflan" (sucker for love ass nigga), but really, he's like 26, he was smashin' a chick many people wanna smash, probably raw doggy, and DIDN'T get her preggers. He got more face time than his double-double stats would ever get him, and he got to run around actin' up on tv. I don't have a problem with any of that. I just think his lack of experience got him caught up and in a li'l too deep, and once he realized what he committed to, who he committed to, and the level of commitment he agreed to, he skizzated. Since I doubt KK was in it for the love, I don't think anyone should begrudge him a thing. Moving on...

The divorce settlement is in, and Mel (Give the Jews Hell) Gibson is splitting half of close to a billion with his ex-wife Robyn. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45780078/ns/today-entertainment/#.TvXfNPKwXa8

I bet she's a lynx in bed dude. Chicks who spell Robyn with a y give me that impression. Anyway, I mean, like, whatever dude, part of me is like, "He keeps half a billy and severs ties. Whatever. If she was with him for 3 decades, I'm SURE she's put up w/a half-a-billion worth of shit from him since he was a "once-oh-so-desirable-action-star-turned all the way up through him being a

creepy-anti-semite-recluse-who-makes-long-films-in-long-dead-languages. I say fair deal." But then, part of me remembers his recent relationship issues and almost (aaaaalmooooost) feels sorry for him on some "Damn! He paid 400,000,000+ to go seed up the next fugly foreign chick and then get caught telling her that he hopes she gets raped by a pack of wild niggers?! (That was Mel, right, and not Dog the Bounty Hunter?) Shiiiit. Mel ain't having a good go at it in his later years." And then yet ANOTHER part of me is like, "Aston Kutcher is such a horrible actor; who did he buttfuck to stay A-list?...I think I'll make a grilled cheese sandwich at some point today."

By the way, after saying Jews are responsible for all the world's wars, he said "I am reaching out to the Jewish community. I know there will be many in that community who will want nothing to do with me, and that would be understandable. But I pray that that door is not forever closed." What the H dude? Where's the "I am reaching out to the nigga (and female) community. I know there will be many in that community who will want nothing to do with me, and that would be understandable. But I pray that that door is not forever closed?" Dude told Oksana, "You're an embarrassment to me. You look like a f--king pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of n---ers it will be your fault. I am going to come and burn the f--king house down...but you will blow me first." Niggas and women told me they want an apology too. And that if they make another "Lethal Weapon" Danny Glover gotta be the one doing all the fresh shit. Those are our demands.

Move Over Hannah - There's A New Montana In Smutville! (Ooh, That Was Harsh)

Laurence Fishburne's daughter is hoping to fast-track herself to porn stardom. "Rather than submit an acting reel or attend auditions, young Montana Fishburne plans to use a sex tape to increase her profile and give her a foothold in the film industry.

According to a press release, Vivid Entertainment, which also distributed Kendra Wilkinson and Kim Kardashian's sex tape, will handle the release of Montana Fishburne's self-titled video, which is due out August 18th.

She said she was inspired by Kim Kardashian, who shot to instant fame after her own sex tape was made public several years ago.

"I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid," Fishburne said in the press release." I'm hoping the same magic will work for me. I'm impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it."

Electrifying conclusion: Her pops is pulling in "CSI" paper, and they are NOT estranged. So yeah, we've moved to a new level of instant gratification and nonsense logic. She's patterning her career path after Kim Kardashian, because well, who wouldn't? Meaning she's hoping that some current high school McDonald's All-American will be slutting her out around, oh, let's say 2015. She doesn't want to do ANYTHING that will take ANY real effort, and is willing to accept a sliver of infamy (she's after the fame, not success, if you ask me, which you didn't but you should have) and try to dress it up as achievement of some sort. I really don't feel like she's doing it for the bread, and if it was about some sort of success, is school or some sort of work not an option? I guess gettin' her face moisturized by Brian Pumper takes work, but whatever...yo, lemme tell you about an incident we had with this dude a few years back. Pumper, a Lloyd Banks look-alike by the way, was at a club my crew was at with our ladies one night, walking around with a mini-dvd player showing off his work. Once my dude Staff Ace realized what was going on, and that his girl was one of the chicks he was showing his film to (I don't know why; constructive criticism maybe?) , Ace assumed some sort of solicitation was going on and screamed on his chick, pulled her away and then prepared to give Pumper the type of pounding he wouldn't enjoy. Mr. Porn Star must've been alone because he wanted no parts of Ace and copped all sorts of pleas, which ended in him telling Ace that he could also make a lucrative living filming himself trying not to get STD's and showing it to other niggas' girls in clubs. I played my usual voice of reason role and simmered things down. Good times...but back to the chick who already has a porn name - Montana Fishburne (where the hell did she get "Chippy D" from?) - yeah she's a slattern. Not for wanting to fuck on tape, but for selling her soul through her pussy, unnecessarily, at 19.
R.I.P. to Jack Tatum. He's the former Oakland Raiders great who paralyzed another player, Daryl Stingley, for life with a hit during a game. Many believe that a lack of remorse on his part has kept him out of the Football Hall of Fame. From what I've gathered Jack just felt like he was doing nothing but playing a violent game the way it should be played. No judgment here. Tragedy no matter how you look at it.

There are rumors of Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler being the next "American Idol" judges after Kara Dioguardi was fired after just two seasons and Ellen DeGeneres quit after one (yeah right, she knew she was gonna get fired and tried to take a li'l control over the situation - I aint mad though, that's good bidness!).

Electrifying conclusion: I don't watch "Idol" much, but the revolving judge situation is mildly amusing. Simon Cowell is VERY amusing and without him, you don't get the casual fan, obviously. J.Lo and Steven might though, if I might personalize things a bit. I haven't found J.Lo compelling in anything she's done after South Central, but I anticipate her mannequinization of one of their judge slots being an entertaining 7th viewing option on a slow t.v. night when my wife has a "headache." And Steven Tyler might actually have some really good insight for the young hopefuls. Even still, ratings probably won't ever return to the Simon-Randy-Paula days unless they start letting rappers try out. In front of the same judges. THAT'LL be worth my brain rotting for an hour or so.

As much as I'm not a fan of the person, the actor Angelina Jolie was as bad a bitch in "Salt" as she was in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith," "Wanted," and probably a few other flicks I never watched because she was involved. Saw it last night, and was magnetized every second.

Yo, Chippy looks like a whore-rified Amerie, doesn't she? She looks good to go, bro. I might support.

Remember the DC Sniper Lee Boyd Malvo? Well, he confessed to William Shatner (yeah, mad random, right?) about other murders he committed, I guess in addition to the killings he's serving time for, the joints that shut down VA and Maryland a while back. He and his mentor apparently tried to recruit a whole gang of shooters to do more damage nationwide. Wild.

Electrifying conclusion: So the alleged motive for the mass murders was a desire to help homeless black kids. Remember that Malvo was acting under the direction of John Muhammed, who told him that "the $10 million ransom sought from the US government to stop the sniper killings would be used to establish a Utopian society for 140 black homeless children on a Canadian compound." But check this shit out - The Real Plan: Part of his testimony concerned Muhammad's complete, multiphase plan. His plan consisted of three phases in the Washington, D.C. and Baltimore metro areas. Phase One consisted of meticulously planning, mapping, and practicing their locations around the DC area. This way after each shooting they would be able to quickly leave the area on a predetermined path, and move on to the next location. Muhammad's goal in Phase One was to kill six white people a day for 30 days. Malvo went on to describe how Phase One did not go as planned due to heavy traffic and the lack of a clear shot and/or getaway at different locations.

Phase Two was meant to be moved up to Baltimore. Malvo described how this phase was close to being implemented, but never was carried out. Phase Two was intended to begin by killing a pregnant woman by shooting her in the stomach. The next step would have been to shoot and kill a Baltimore police officer. At the officer's funeral, there were to be created several improvised explosive devices. These explosives were intended to kill a large number of police, since many police would attend another officer's funeral.

The last phase was to take place very shortly after, if not during, Phase Two. The third phase was to extort several million dollars from the U.S. government. This money would be used to finance a larger plan: to travel north into Canada and recruit other effectively orphaned boys to use weapons and stealth, and send them out to commit shootings across the country."
Ambitious. I once spit a rhyme that stated, "I lay it down like mouse pads/ and got the same kinda father figures Lee Malvo had." I thought that was hard, but it was really just dumb. But it was kinda hard though. Just call me M.C. UndaInvestigation.


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"Greatest Trickery" & The Lauryn Hill Myth

Lauryn Hill has been fooling the world for the past 15 years.

She helps sustain the "greatest trick-ery," as first described by Verbal Kint in "Usual Suspects," but jargonized by StarPower & Mercury during numerous rant sessions. Referring to the ghastly gangster Keyser Soze, Kint states, "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist." So the template goes, "The greatest trick ('A'- conniving trickster) ever pulled was convincing ('B' - unknowing victim{s}) believe ('A' did something 'A' really didn't, but is widely creditd with)." The greatest trick Lauryn Hill ever pulled was making music fans believe she was great at anything besides creating enough mystique to get people to make her seem more talented than she actually is. Yes the album was dope. But it was just that - "the" album. One. Something has to be said for an artist actually, you know, creating art. It wasn't the greatest any kind of album of all time, she had EXTREMELY talented collaborators who bought into her b.s. (that mystique!), AND I believe the rumors that she takes credit for work she didn't do AT ALL b/c I know someone she tried to rip off, and because I want to.

Yet millions of Pan-African Pams & Rootsy Ricks will forever let her legend live off of that one trick and I guess "The Score," which was just as dope and guided by the talents of the man, her ex, who probably was the original dred who really sent her psyche into warp drive. How many dope collabs has she done in the past decade? C'mon man, an artist has to create. What has she done that has set any trends or broke any ground since? How often do you even hear her standing up about any issues? Mentoring anyone? Communicating with her "fan base?" Who is this lady?!

I swear, I credit her with "greatest trickery" only approached by maybe Eminem's media machine (who took some very funny shots at her early on) convincing the urban fan that he doesn't make the WHITEST music in the world. Dude; this guy dresses like Bono now, sings god-awful contrived triumph melodies all the time, makes mediocre stadium songs, and pulled off your standard white artist "I'm outta control, I'm not, I am, I'm getting arrested, I'm on drugs, music is my therapy, I wanted to kill myself, I'm back to being who I never was" charade that was even more predictable than his duet partner Rhianna's "homely hottie to I'm not a whore but I play one on tv" transformation. And you know what? I ain't mad. He hustled. some called it from day one, some didn't, but let's take a sec to acknowledge it. Plus, he's VERY talented AND...HE MAKES COCKSUCKING SONGS, for goodness sakes. Hill appears at "I'm Cool Because I Know About And Attend This" Music Festival, gets a mic and a guitar (which she needs to stop doing in honor of women who REALLY get it in on some singer-songwriter-instrumentalist shit like the infinitely more talented Teena Marie), says some sad shit and her bumfuckery is not only accepted, it's applauded!

Dude, unless she comes back with a much more humble aura and a GOOD SONG, I'll be as excited about her return as a teacher is about the return of the school year in September. Fuck Lauryn Hill, I got a whole generation of kids to Miseducate. I'd rather listen to a Sean Kingston song. Featuring Sanjaya. With Plies on the hook. Produced by David Guetta. Remixed by Dr. Luke. Restarted 7 times bc Flex keeps dropping bombs on it. Ok I've crossed the line from critical to insulting. My bad. I've jammed to more than a few Guetta tunes in the past year or so. Whatever, gonna go eat some breakfast and workout to some Bieb. You Lauryn Hill fans stay miseducated, will ya?! *simultaneously snapping my fingers, winking, and shooting my fingers at all of you*


I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

I Got It! Hef Should Holla At 'The Situation' About Making A Song For Playboy, No? WWW.Can'tLose.Com

Playboy Enterprises is going public. You KNOW that brand is struggling in this modern world of internet porn, where you can service ANY fetish in a FREE and plentiful manner with very little effort. What has Playboy done to adapt? Unless Hef can pioneer a breakthrough in virtual f-cking (pardon the graphic language, but f-ck that upscale sh-t; he's gonna have to provide the rawness - quite literally - if he wants to make his brand relevant again in this climate of desensitized instant gratification), AND damn-near monopolize it, I don't see that company meaning much from here on out.

Electrifying conclusion: If you ask me, it all went downhill once Scott Baio started f-cking all the playmates, leading to his eventual ban from the Playboy mansion. You can't let Charles be in charge of everything now, can you? Anyway, I know I just talked a lotta sh-t about the brand, but how much stock do you think I would have to buy to advertise my new record in it? Or to have a coupla Playmates on my album cover? I'm gonna look into that.

I really hope you clicked on that Scott Baio link. Dude was a monster, lol.

Yo, did you see the shots John Daly missed yesterday. Ugh! Heartbreaking. Eventually he's gonna falter at St. Andrews, but that record-breaking score he would've pulled out of his ass in the first round might've change the game. Plus it would've just been so kick-ass to see him shoot a f-cking 59 , at his age, after all he's done. And not done, lol. I'm a big fan man. Shoutout to fuck-ups who can still produce miracles every now and then.

Yes, I know I'm late. And that's because I've just decided to care. Urkel's wild! (And he's definitely lookin' like Stefan UrKEL in this pic). They arrested him on domestic violence charges that sound very real to me, even though the chick f-cked up her credibility by waiting so long to file. Whatever.

Electrifying conclusion: I used to LOVE how Stefan UrKEL dressed. Get one of those suits he used to rock and Johnny Gill's hairstylist, and nobody could tell you a thing in the early 90s, my dude. But yeah, he was wild for the night. You can't go punching b-tches in their titty implants, but as far as pushing her into the toilet, I've been there. Somewhat. It was a bathtub. And I guess I'm not proud of it. I would explain further, but what's the shelf-life on this type of thing? There's a good chance she'll read this (we're friends now), but is that "opening up old wounds"-status right there? I don't know.

Dear Eminem and Drake,

Stop singin' so many of your own hooks. And don't make another song together. The only thing worse than the hype involving anything you guys do, is the hype involving anything you guys do together and the anticlimactic nature of the collaboration. However, you BOTH make GREAT songs with Li'l Wayne. Wonder why.

Regards,
StarPo

Who do they keep changing the actors who play "The Incredible Hulk?" It's like what happened to the "Batman" films before Bale took hold of the role, except, no one ever really cared much about these "Hulk" films. They just don't resonate for some reason. Maybe a black "Hulk" would be fresh. Just throwin' that out there. On some Ving Rhames sh-t, nahmean?

I'm a fan of this "The Situation" dude. He's kinda awesome. I had know idea he was making records because I've never seen "Jersey Shore" but I do know that there's someone awesome enough to call himself "The Situation" and that a girl named "Snookie" got knocked out at a bar, and it was tragically funny.

Electrifying conclusion: He made a rap song, so you know that he actually has no talent because every semi-celebrity who can't do anything else tries rapping as a means of getting a little more shine, but it never works. And he's frontin' about how he was gonna be on the "Jersey Shore Soundtrack," but he was "off the grid." Pseudo-celebs like him are never off the grid intentionally. The song is fast, overproduced and features Fatman Scoop, all the better to hide his lack of talent behind a transparent wall of obnoxiousness. That being said, his overwhelming doucheness carries the song and I don't hate it.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

Fool Me Three Times and I Must Be Halle Berry or A Scott Hall Fan

Apparently, Halle Berry is single. Again. And the world wants to know who she's going to end up disappointed by next. After an abusive baseball player (whose last name is Justice, haha!), a sex-addicted singer (nowadays, it really is acceptable to call wanting to smash, and then smashing, every hot chick who allows you to "sex-addiction;" GOTTA love our culture of little-to-no-accountability) , and a male model looking for a come up, Halle is back like Dip Set. And I'm expecting the results to be just as tragic.

Electrifying conclusion: She may be the most beautiful woman the world can ever remember seeing. But that doesn't make her smart, or even a good actress (her "Monster's Ball" performance was terrible and I can't remember ever being impacted by a performance of hers, although she plays an excellent "scared b-tch"). She's the ultimate tragic mulatto. C'mon, you dated a star athlete, an r&b crooner, and an underwear model. Talk about asking to be stepped on. Maybe try a black dude this time, Halle? Like, an actual black dude, not these halfricans you seem to enjoy. At least you have a reason not to be surprised when it goes sour - everyone expects a nigga to fuck up eventually! Or you can pull a LeBron and totally fuck the game up by...getting with another woman. Another beautiful famous woman who's been wronged time and time again, like Jennifer Aniston. I know she's straight but we can work out the details while we film the sex tape.

Yo, they found a unicorn deer. I would assume an animal that can grow a horn out of the middle of it's head is a fucking evil demon, not a a mythical creature, but that's just me I guess.

I hate those 30-second "Cover Girl" and "Geico" commercials I have to wait through while I try to get my nature video on.

In other "Light-Skinned Middle-Aged Black People Who Are Still Living Well Off Of Past Fame" news, Prince stupidly declares the internet to be "over." He isn't releasing his latest mediocre album for digital download.


Electrifying conclusion: Let's love (that's my new shit, btw - "let's love") this article that kindly shits on him by giving us MAD examples of why the internet is mad NOT over. He's a jackass (say it like Obama dissing Kanye).

Non-wrestling fans probably didn't get the Scott Hall reference in the title. He's a wrestler who keeps getting comeback chances even though he always fucks them up because he's a horrible person when he gets drunk, which apparently happens a lot, but he also happens to be one of the most gifted (and well-connected) performers the industry has ever seen. I missed his heyday, so I take everyone's word for it.

This guy though, been a thorn in America's side since before the Kennedy Administration (!) and he still aint dead. Don't be surprised if he outlasts Obama. And don't be surprised by the fact that I don't know, or care to look up, who was president before Kennedy (Eisenhower?).

I was gonna write more in-depth about speed dating and analyze this "Cosmo"-esque article on the subject until I realized that speed dating is bullshit because it's missing the one element that would seal the deal much quicker and make for a much greater percentage of successful (and at the very least, short-term) relationships - sex. Let them talk for 3 1/2 minutes, fuck for 1, and debrief for 30 seconds. Only takes about 3 minutes to know if the person intrigues you, and if you can get the chick off (or something close to it) in a minute or less, you should be good to go. The last 30 seconds would feature the chick telling the dude "who her daddy is" if it was good or even watching the guy do the "beat it up right" dance; if it was bad, the chick can feel ashamed and the guy can nap for 30 seconds (you KNOW the guy is gonna make sure HE gets off within that minute). Win-win for all involved, no?

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

That Wasn't A Girl Katy, It Was Russell

According to the AP, Mel Turpin, former NBA player and All-American Kentucky center, committed suicide Thursday, authorities said. He was 49.

Margaret Burrus, his sister, tearfully told reporters outside her home that her brother was diabetic and trying to keep it under control.

"I didn't know he was depressed or anything,'' she said. "I would have never said that he would have done this.''

R.I.P. Big Guy.

Electrifying conclusion: No, he did not commit suicide after LeBron announced his decision yesterday. He could have been depressed ever since 1990, the year he was bounced out of the league, and the Dream Team started being assembled. Dude was not only in the greatest draft in history (1984 - Jordan, Olajuwon, Barkley, Stockton, etc.) - he was the sixth pick. Ouch. Somebody give Lancaster Gordon a call.

Go ahead and make yourself believe Mel Gibson is the only Hollywood superstar that behaves like he does.

Serena won again. In case you didn't know. I mean Wimbledon, not this nonsense.

Dude, there was a "spy swap" between The U.S. and Russia?! "The U.S. and Russia orchestrated the largest spy swap since the Cold War, exchanging 10 spies arrested in the U.S. for four convicted in Russia in an elaborately choreographed diplomatic dance Friday at Vienna's airport." They also reported, "The handover allowed Vienna to add yet another distinctive event to its long history as a key site for diplomacy, the capital of neutral Austria being the preferred place to work on treaties and agreements to reduce U.S.-Soviet tensions during the Cold War."

Electrifying conclusion: Lemme tell you something, b. I like the term "elaborately choreographed diplomatic dance," although it sounds like what you do with a stuck up chick you've been putting in work with, who's not planning to give you any quim at the end of the night. Lemme tell you something else. The real spy aint none of these people. It's that bad-ass little adoptee that lady sent back to Russia a little while back. He knows all types of secrets. I bet there are a gang of Reagan-era good ol' boys quoting Jay-Z in "Blue Magic," - "Niggas wanna bring the 80s back/That's OK wit' me, that's where they made me at!"

Yo, I don't even know what LiLo is being locked up for. I guess for escaping time successfully thus far. The real crime though is how hot she isn't compared to how hot she used to be. Used to be one of the absolute baddest white bitches out. Curvy, killer red hair, nice smile, sexy voice. Damn, now it's bones and botox.

So, apparently when Katy Perry made her #1 smash "California Girls," she was paying homage to 2Pac as much as she was to the state. She claims 'Pac would've done a 360 in the grave had he heard "Empire State of Mind" being played at an L.A. Grammy party. Since there wasn't anyone else making music for gangbangers to gangbang to, and rappers to get killed over, she felt like she might be able to do something about that.

Electrifying conclusion: So much wrong here. And I don't hate the song. But so much wrong here. Just to be safe, Perry also recruited Snoop Dogg for a languid verse about bikinis and martinis. "An original west coast O.G.," she says. "The perfect cherry on top." Goodness. 'Pac would roll over in his grave by hearing Snoop described as the "cherry on top" for a (delightfully) trashy song by Russell "Does-Acting-Like-A-Comedian-But-Looking-Like-A-Rock-Star-Make-Me-A-'Cock'-Star?" Brand's fiance.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

Tiger $tyle & More

Jared Fogle, the "Subway" dude who lost 245 lbs & gained a lucrative endorsement career, has been spotted looking like he gained a good amount of that weight back - subway-guy-falls-off-the-diet-wagon/

Electrifying conclusion: Makes perfect sense if you ask me, which you didn't, but should've. He dropped the weight so he could get laid (maybe for health reasons as well - maybe), but now that he's paid, he doesn't need to starve himself to get laid. He probably "eats fresh" quim at least once a week, because many chicks can't pass up the opportunity to bone a celebrity. I say, more power to the fat-faced f-ck. (Alliterative insults in the hooouuuuse, owww!)

Yo, the biggest audio recording debut in recent weeks wasn't 50 Cent or Rhianna, not even Susan Boyle's mega-selling album. It's the messages Tiger left in some 21 year-old tart's voicemail inbox.

Electrifying conclusion: "I'll wear you out," "When was the last time you got f-cked?" Wildin'. I know I'm probably not the first nigga to call him Niger Woods, but I feel like I am and the thought makes me proud. Yo, if he's worth a billy, and his wife gets 1/2 of a percent, that's still like $5 million! 0.5%! So if she gets 10% that means he was up in some $100 million p-ssy, no? I'm sayin', just trying to put it all in perspective.

How wack is the word "transgressions?" How much fun was taken outta the whole situation once Tiger fell on his sword?

"I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me..."
I like that sh-t man. Don't tell nobody though. Or do, whatever.

Serena Williams was fined $82,500 for her profane tirade at the U.S. Open, a record fine by far.

Electrifying conclusion: Covered in beautiful melanin, blessed with a godess' body, a killer smile, & unique determination, Serena is beyond fine.

Beyonce just topped all artists with 10 Grammy nominations, it was announced yesterday. She is competing with Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga in the most coveted categories (Album, Song, & Record of the Year).

Electrifying Conclusion: She won't win half of them, but damn, just to get that many nominations (hubby got 5 of his own, btw), I mean, despite the mounds of hate, pretenders, and (in my opinion) tacky songs, she gets larger every year. More (Star)power to her, I say. You gotta admit - the bitch is BAD.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.