Friday, August 7, 2009

Vanessa Hudgens Want You To Possess Child Porn

This is f-cking wild. First, I heard that Vanessa Hudgens had some new nudes online yesterday. And I was like, "Oh word, Vanessa Hudgens? You wanna be 20 years old, and supposedly-chaste due to it being a requirement of the company you work for (although Disney is actually a slut factory when you think about it - Brit, Xtina, Miley, Vanessa, etc.), and you wanna have nude pics online for the SECOND time, and you want those pics to show everything, even hairy bush, and you wanna have just the nipples you were imagined to have? Word, Vanessa Hudgens? You wanna act like they get leaked against your wishes, like you don't know that nude pics of you are gonna find their way out, especially a SECOND time? And you wanna risk mad dudes getting caught risking a quick NSFW click at the job, and mad niggas gettin' caught lookin' at young white b-tches on their wives' and girlfriends' laptops? Word, Vanessa Hudgens?"

Now,, Merc goes to give them a quick look a few minutes ago, and I, er, I mean, Merc finds out that mad sites took the new jawns down because she might been 17, or something like that at the time the pics were taken. Meaning, if you have them, you are in possession of child porn.

Electrifying conclusion: Word, Vanessa Hudgens' lawyers? Y'all get to keep the masters in a safe, and those of us who didn't right click "save picture as" yesterday are s.o.l. now? That's dirty.

Would ya look at that -, Lebron is gonna "explore his options" in '10. Of course he is maaaan! Did you really think he was gonna stay in Cleveland? By '10, he would have given them 6 strong years. He paid his hometown debt. Now it's time for "Guitar Jimmy" Dolan (as Mike Lupica would put it) to do something good for Knicks fans for once. In one fell swoop he can make up for most of the tragedy he's brought to the Garden.

Apparently, Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice sleeps at Wal-Mart sometimes. This is how the AP tells it:

Justice Clarence Thomas' wife, Ginni, told 'The Takeaway,' a public radio show, she and her husband have stayed overnight in dozens of Wal-Mart lots while traveling around the country in their 40-foot bus. "It's one of our favorite things to do," she revealed in a phone interview this week while on the road in the Adirondacks. The Thomases like to keep a low profile when they travel and the parking lots provide a measure of anonymity. So many people recognized the justice at one campground, Mrs. Thomas recalled, they had to stop going there.

Electrifing conclusion: I don't care about none of that Americana-ass sh-t, I'm just wondering if he still harassin' b-tches? Didn't this nigga put a pubic hair or some wild sh-t in Anita Hill's cola or something like that. That's why that nigga's keepin' a low profile. Puttin' nut hairs on the rim of chicks' coke can. That's dirty. As dirty as your hidden folder with the Hudgens pics, the R. Kelly tape, and all that Judy Winslow porn.

Who's surprised to hear that Billy Mays was on coke?

Let me preface the following statement by saying that I'm happily married :) And with that being said, if someone were to ask me what my ideal threesome would be, I'd probably say me, my wife, and our love.

Second place (distant second, of course): me, Julianne Moore, Stacy-Ann Gooden (she's not happy doing weather at Bronx 12, I can tell).

Or maybe, me, Linda Carter-as-Wonder Woman, and Sookie Stackhouse.

Or me and the "Sister Sister" twins.

Or me, Anita Hill, and Vanessa Hudgens.

Watch this be the only time my wife actually reads this blog.