Tiger $tyle & More

Jared Fogle, the "Subway" dude who lost 245 lbs & gained a lucrative endorsement career, has been spotted looking like he gained a good amount of that weight back - subway-guy-falls-off-the-diet-wagon/

Electrifying conclusion: Makes perfect sense if you ask me, which you didn't, but should've. He dropped the weight so he could get laid (maybe for health reasons as well - maybe), but now that he's paid, he doesn't need to starve himself to get laid. He probably "eats fresh" quim at least once a week, because many chicks can't pass up the opportunity to bone a celebrity. I say, more power to the fat-faced f-ck. (Alliterative insults in the hooouuuuse, owww!)

Yo, the biggest audio recording debut in recent weeks wasn't 50 Cent or Rhianna, not even Susan Boyle's mega-selling album. It's the messages Tiger left in some 21 year-old tart's voicemail inbox.

Electrifying conclusion: "I'll wear you out," "When was the last time you got f-cked?" Wildin'. I know I'm probably not the first nigga to call him Niger Woods, but I feel like I am and the thought makes me proud. Yo, if he's worth a billy, and his wife gets 1/2 of a percent, that's still like $5 million! 0.5%! So if she gets 10% that means he was up in some $100 million p-ssy, no? I'm sayin', just trying to put it all in perspective.

How wack is the word "transgressions?" How much fun was taken outta the whole situation once Tiger fell on his sword?

"I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me..."
I like that sh-t man. Don't tell nobody though. Or do, whatever.

Serena Williams was fined $82,500 for her profane tirade at the U.S. Open, a record fine by far.

Electrifying conclusion: Covered in beautiful melanin, blessed with a godess' body, a killer smile, & unique determination, Serena is beyond fine.

Beyonce just topped all artists with 10 Grammy nominations, it was announced yesterday. She is competing with Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga in the most coveted categories (Album, Song, & Record of the Year).

Electrifying Conclusion: She won't win half of them, but damn, just to get that many nominations (hubby got 5 of his own, btw), I mean, despite the mounds of hate, pretenders, and (in my opinion) tacky songs, she gets larger every year. More (Star)power to her, I say. You gotta admit - the bitch is BAD.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

That Wouldn't Have Happened If She Would've Went To See The OTHER "New Moon"

This Canadian lady lost her health benefits after Facebook photos of her at a strip club and other fun places provided evidence of her not being depressed. http://news.aol.com/article/nathalie-blanchard-says-she-lost/778856

Electrifying conclusion: The poll at the end of the article read "Are you on Facebook? Yes/no?" I was like shiiiiiiit, I wouldn't wanna tell y'all muthaf-ckas after reading that! I guess when your country has universal healthcare, you give up certain liberties, like the right to try to find happiness somewhere, at some point, and let people know that you aren't on the verge of suicide. And really, who the fuck goes to Chippendales? I know I'm a straight guy and I may not have the greatest perspective on such things, but that place just seems creepy. Dudes in bowties and g-strings. I don't know of anyone who's been there that wasn't in character on an '80s sitcom at the time. You must be depressed to go there, that should have been enough proof to extend her sick leave.

"Twilight: New Moon" pulled in almost $73 million on FRIDAY. One day. Biggest Friday opening ever and it's $140 million weekend was the 3rd largest ever behind "The Dark Knight" and "Spider-Man 3."

Electrifying conclusion: I refuse to cheat on "True Blood," plus I have no desire to. I am intrigued by the prospect of getting my werewolf fix though. "True Blood" needs to step up their werewolf game. I guess I can catch up on these flicks before they get to part 19 like the "Harry Potters" and "Lord of the Rings" joints I ignored.

My sister said her lil 17 year old boyfriend would give me a good fight bc he's 6'1" and built and I'm...neither. But I got big brother power. She also said my arthritic shoulder could present difficulty. She should've never said that. Now when I see him, it's over for him. Me and Merc, maybe Just Holla too, gonna lump that nigga. That's what he gets for wanting to be tall and healthy and shit and dating my little sister. Now he gets to receive a visit from the Powers of Pain. That's right.

Nena just saw Foxy Brown in a Brooklyn restaurant and confirmed that she has enormous boob implants. Plus "fake eyelashes down to her lips," lol. Neither of which she needed. I know how many feel about her, but that was one beautiful black woman. Still is probably, underneath. But who am I to judge, from behind my electric mask?

I'm StarPower and I approve this message.

Make Like Sammy Sosa & Lighten Up!

So, the "Mall Santas of America" say they should be given priority in receiving swine flu shots, not only bc they are around lots of kids, but bc overweight people have a greater risk of contracting h1n1. http://www.wptv.com/content/health/story/Swine-flu-fears-for-mall-santas/17J4rO4h-UuUUlbS2YtavA.cspx

Electrifying Conclusion: First of all, if bein around kids gives u priority, then line up moms, teachers, and pedos for the first batches of pig shots. Santas only have to tolerate the buggers for a hard 3 weeks or so. Second, they should be glad fatness is coming in handy for once. Message to the "MSOA" - how dare u demand accomodations for your fatness? Either shut up and let your girth be the reason you eat EVEN BETTER 'round holiday season, or lose some f-cking poundage and get a real job. Or, you guys can lose some weight and re-conceptualize Santa's image. Create a whole ad compaign for it; Santas in red skinny jeans, furry white scarves, and stylish Gaytch & M (no offense, I go hard at H & M - pause!) skullcaps.

Just wanna ask y'all to please tolerate the no-frills posts as I make an attempt to return to blogging consistently. My living situation only allows me to update from my iPhone most of the time, and as awesome as it is, I realize there still isn't a phone that supports blogging. Texting, social networking, organizing, yes. Blogging no. Mobile blogging (along with my mobile web skills) are a bit limited. But we're here for the words anyway, no?

Yeah I'm dissappointed with Sammy Sosa's open display of self hatred (he looks f-cking happy bro), but I'm more horrified than anything. Nigga look SCARY as a white Dominican. Whitening cream is already popular, after this, sales are gonna be astronomical. And it's a shame, not only for the obvious reasons, but because melanin is damn near MAGICAL. We still dont know of all it's properties, and I have reason to believe in it's inhuman, super-sapien capabilities. I also believe that, like energy, it cannot be destroyed, so maybe (sadly) Sam's change will just be a cosmetic one.

Syndicators are saying they will pay drastically less for "The Oprah Winfrey Show" when contract renewal talks come up soon. This is due to the recession and the fact that her show is showing signs of slipping. She's still queen of talk, but she's falling off a bit, ratings-wise.

Electrifying Conclusion: Hov said it best - "Even if I fell, I'd land on a buncha money." Besides the 2 billion reasons she has not to give a f-ck 'bout some syndicators, Oprah's about to start her own cable network. Guess what it's gonna be called - OWN. As in "Oprah Wins Niggas." or so I've been told by a voice in my head.

Vanessa Hudgens Want You To Possess Child Porn

This is f-cking wild. First, I heard that Vanessa Hudgens had some new nudes online yesterday. And I was like, "Oh word, Vanessa Hudgens? You wanna be 20 years old, and supposedly-chaste due to it being a requirement of the company you work for (although Disney is actually a slut factory when you think about it - Brit, Xtina, Miley, Vanessa, etc.), and you wanna have nude pics online for the SECOND time, and you want those pics to show everything, even hairy bush, and you wanna have just the nipples you were imagined to have? Word, Vanessa Hudgens? You wanna act like they get leaked against your wishes, like you don't know that nude pics of you are gonna find their way out, especially a SECOND time? And you wanna risk mad dudes getting caught risking a quick NSFW click at the job, and mad niggas gettin' caught lookin' at young white b-tches on their wives' and girlfriends' laptops? Word, Vanessa Hudgens?"

Now, I...er, Merc goes to give them a quick look a few minutes ago, and I, er, I mean, Merc finds out that mad sites took the new jawns down because she might been 17, or something like that at the time the pics were taken. Meaning, if you have them, you are in possession of child porn.

Electrifying conclusion: Word, Vanessa Hudgens' lawyers? Y'all get to keep the masters in a safe, and those of us who didn't right click "save picture as" yesterday are s.o.l. now? That's dirty.

Would ya look at that - http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4383960, Lebron is gonna "explore his options" in '10. Of course he is maaaan! Did you really think he was gonna stay in Cleveland? By '10, he would have given them 6 strong years. He paid his hometown debt. Now it's time for "Guitar Jimmy" Dolan (as Mike Lupica would put it) to do something good for Knicks fans for once. In one fell swoop he can make up for most of the tragedy he's brought to the Garden.

Apparently, Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice sleeps at Wal-Mart sometimes. This is how the AP tells it:

Justice Clarence Thomas' wife, Ginni, told 'The Takeaway,' a public radio show, she and her husband have stayed overnight in dozens of Wal-Mart lots while traveling around the country in their 40-foot bus. "It's one of our favorite things to do," she revealed in a phone interview this week while on the road in the Adirondacks. The Thomases like to keep a low profile when they travel and the parking lots provide a measure of anonymity. So many people recognized the justice at one campground, Mrs. Thomas recalled, they had to stop going there.

Electrifing conclusion: I don't care about none of that Americana-ass sh-t, I'm just wondering if he still harassin' b-tches? Didn't this nigga put a pubic hair or some wild sh-t in Anita Hill's cola or something like that. That's why that nigga's keepin' a low profile. Puttin' nut hairs on the rim of chicks' coke can. That's dirty. As dirty as your hidden folder with the Hudgens pics, the R. Kelly tape, and all that Judy Winslow porn.

Who's surprised to hear that Billy Mays was on coke?

Let me preface the following statement by saying that I'm happily married :) And with that being said, if someone were to ask me what my ideal threesome would be, I'd probably say me, my wife, and our love.

Second place (distant second, of course): me, Julianne Moore, Stacy-Ann Gooden (she's not happy doing weather at Bronx 12, I can tell).

Or maybe, me, Linda Carter-as-Wonder Woman, and Sookie Stackhouse.

Or me and the "Sister Sister" twins.

Or me, Anita Hill, and Vanessa Hudgens.

Watch this be the only time my wife actually reads this blog.

I Wanna Do Bad Thiiiings To You

How f-cking good is "True Blood?" I mean, I thought it might provide some cheap thrills after reading David Bianculli's (Daily News) initial review (he was right about all of the gratuitous nudity) before it premiered, but I NEVER thought I'd be hooked like I am. I haven't been on a show like this since "The Wire" (though I doubt I'll ever be that captivated again), and before that, "Six Feet Under." HBO just has that formula (as they constantly remind you during those "99 Emmy Nomination" ads). My favorite characters are probably Bill and Eric. I'm waitin' for them niggas to clash over Sookie, who is starting to become annoying in her earnestness.

Electrifying conclusion: F-ck happened to "Tell Me You Love Me?" That show had MASSIVE amounts of graphic sex. And the characters were interesting. I'd trade "Entourage" for it; their cuttin' on Seth Rogen over there, and they got Turtle gettin' mile high handjobs from f-cking Meadow Soprano? C'mon!

I'm all for the reinstatement of Pete Rose! I don't at all agree with the betting, but he should be in the Hall for having 4,000 (!) hits and having played in more games than anyone. Plus, he got bodyslammed by WWE's Kane - twice. Give that man a plaque!

Is Morgan Freeman really gonna marry his 27 year old step granddaughter? Word?

Vernon Forrest, world class boxer, the first to beat Sugar Shane Mosley, was murdered. According to the AP, Forrest, 38, was shot several times in the back Saturday night.

Electrifying conclusion: If you don't know about Vernon, you better ask. About his Destiny's Child foundation. About his work with the disabled. By all accounts, this was a really good dude. These athlete murders are getting outta control. I remember when he beat Sugar Shane. Back when Sugar Shane was what Floyd Mayweather is now. He achieved great late career success (I'm a big fan of that), and actually would have been a world champion at the time of his murder, if not for injuries which caused him to be stripped of the title. R.I.P.

I agree with Johnny Drama - grown men shouldn't buy other grown men birthday gifts.

Nas is ordered to pay Kelis 44 large every month for child support. The dope part is that he got this news right after the birth of his newborn. He also has to pay $45,000 to cover attorney and "gotcha nigga" fees.

Electrifying conclusion: Like everyone else, all I could think was, "Damn, Nas got paper like that? Of course he doesn't! And if he does, they made sure he won't anymore!" Sh-t, I must be missing something. He got hit up for not supporting her through pregnancy? What the hell?! He's in the wrong, but isn't the money for "child" support? "Child support," not "fetus support." $45,00 a month - because her albums brick? Is that it? Yo, that nigga better start releasing albums like No Limit did in the '90s from now on. Sheesh. Talk about cheaper to keep her.

Could Katie Holmes be the most overrated beauty in Hollywood? Maybe.

But were her tits fabulous in "The Gift?" Yes.

Was Selma Blair's sex scene in "Storytelling" as ridiculously arousing as it was racist? Absolutely.

Did that have anything to do with Katie Holmes? Of course not.

Who Would Wanna Be King?

The show is over, the lights are dim, but the crowd aint leave, they want to stay with him.
They want him to dance,
they want him to sing.

But the show is over, the mic is gone,
and the crowd is still here, to see him perform.
They want one more chance,
who would wanna be king?

Why Study When I Can Blog About Leon & Usher?

CIA Director Leon Panetta is accusing former Vice President and First Dick, Richard Cheney, of "gallow politics," stating that he feels like Cheney almost wants the country to be attacked, so that he can prove that he's right about President Obama being a no-good nigger.

Oh, my bad, that's not what he said.

He said that he feels like Cheney almost wishes the country would be attacked so that he can be proven right about Obama's decisions on Gitmo and reversing Bush policies putting the America's national security in jeopardy. The AP quotes Panetta as saying, "It's almost, a little bit, gallows politics. When you read behind it, it's almost as if he's wishing that this country would be attacked again, in order to make his point. I think that's dangerous politics."

Electrifying conclusion: I toooold niggas that names like Leon and Leroy and Rufus are white names originally. Niggas in Africa aint have names like that. Those aint black names. Those are white names! Old-ass white names man, look it up. Yeah, brothers done cornered the market on those names (we're working on Melvin and Jarvis now too), but like I said, that wasn't always us. Anyway, um, yeah, fuck Cheney. And let's be honest; it's not just that he wishes an attack on us. He's PLOTTING one. Again. Some people will do anything to be right.

Scientists brought back alive an organism that has been dead (they call it reawakening it from hibernation, but I aint for that description) for 120,00 years. AOL science news says, "A small purple microbe that spent more than 120,000 years in hibernation deep beneath a Greenland ice sheet is alive again. Scientists at Pennsylvania State University revived the bug in a lab by warming it in an incubator over the course of 11 months, Scientific American reported.
The bacterium, which was found under nearly two miles of ice, began producing fresh colonies when it was reawakened. Scientists say the discovery suggests that dormant life could be revived from ice particles taken from Mars sometime in the future."

Electrifying conclusion: They say that it's a harmless microbe. F-ck outta here. I watch movies and cartoons and sh-t, so I know 'bout stuff like this. No organism waits 120,000 years to come back to life and be harmless. Evil beings hellbent on world conquest are very patient. It's already reproducing, according to the article. Why is money spent on this? Why do these niggas want there to be life on Mars so bad? Life that they want to re-animate if it's dead, bring to Earth, and possibly take over our planet, kill us off, and try to bring us back to life a million years from now? Is having a black president sooo bad, that they're willing to risk bringing in killer space invaders to not have to follow him? I mean, I'm joking, but with Cheney saying that he'd rather Limbaugh be the face of the GOP than Colin Powel, it only makes sense that the ol' Skull & Bones set would just as soon put our country's (and world's) fate in the hands of Marvin the Martian before they'd give the reigns to a brother. Which always makes me question if he really even has the reigns. Because the people put him in that position, and from what I've seen in my time, the people don't really have any power in this land. So does the person the people put into power have any real power? Maybe not. But that's one man's opinion.

That's a wrap y'all! Usher and Tameka filed for divorce (shocking!). People says, "Usher has filed for divorce from wife Tameka Foster Raymond. The R&B star filed the petition Friday in Superior Court in Atlanta, court records show. The couple, who got married in August 2007, have two sons together, Usher Raymond V, 18 months, and Naviyd, 6 months. Usher, 30, and his wife of nearly two years, 38, have been leading separate lives for months, sources tell PEOPLE. The singer has been away from home often recording his next record in Las Vegas, one source says. "He's done his best to keep Tameka away," says the source. Another source told PEOPLE that Tameka has been focusing on keeping her family happy."

Electrifying conclusion: Guess the power of hatin' bitches all across the world proved unconquerable, haha!

Back From The Dead!

"T.E.C." is back by Anonymous request actually. I thought about it, and said, "Why the f-ck not?" David Carradine done killed himself doin' some real suspect sh-t. "Speidi" is wil' for the night out there. Lady Gaga has the music world captivated for reasons I can't understand. Jay-Z is back with a song I don't know how I feel about yet. There's a lot to talk about. Let's start concluding...

So David Carradine was found hanged to death in a Bangkok hotel. They cried suicide at first, but then remembered that they couldn't convince ANYONE with sense that white men go to Bangkok to do anything but engage in the most taboo of activities. And when it got out that his wrists and nuts and sh-t like that might've been bound together on some weird, possibly gay, Thailand-type sh-t, they decided not to try and play us. His famalams threatened to sue after finding out that some Thai publication released a pic of the hanging body. Turns out the pic was fake.

Electrifying conclusion: His publicist said that the death was definitely "accidental." I'm sure it was. Nigga aint intend on dying. He probably did a buncha strange sh-t and accidental died during said strange sh-t. He was famous, but not that famous anymore, and it's always funny how those types of stars become crazy famous after doing some dumb sh-t, you know? Remember, O.J. wasn't that famous anymore when he started murdering white couples. Phil Spector, Robert Blake, they weren't all that A-List at the time they started killing women, feel me? Now David will always be known for this instead of bad acting on "Kung Fu" and deliciously bad acting in "Kill Bill."

I love it when I get new batteries for my toothbrush and it's rip-roarin' again. Makes me feel like my mouth gets cleaner.

Where'd Lady Gaga come from? Her voice is ultra-annoying, though her songs are a bit catchy. The fact that she seems like a mega-slut is appealing, I guess. She has two Top 10 singles right now, "Poker Face" and "Love Game," while her former #1 "Just Dance" is still all over the airwaves. Plus her album is over 1 million copies, and in the top 5 after 8 months. Success and publicity-wise, she's certainly following in the footsteps of the person she most obviously is channeling - Madonna.

Electrifying conclusion: Gaga is a phenomenon of mediocrity. I actually think Katy Perry (who I have a secret crush on) is SO much better. A more interesting voice and slutty look than Lady. Doesn't it sound like either Britney (who's "If U Seek Amy" is better than anything by Lady Gaga) is imitating Gaga now, or Gaga is making the music she thinks Britney should be making?

I just might go see "Hangover." Just saw "Seven Pounds" - wow. Just saw "Righteous Kill" - ehh. Just heard Jay-Z's "D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)." First time I heard it was live, and I, for some dumb reason, though that was the actual recording. I thought it was amazing and risky. Then I heard the regular recording and lost much enthusiasm. It's good, not great. But like Swift and Cav said, it's more like an instructional piece. It's good stuff.

Spencer Pratt (I won't give his rap album any more light than this sentence right here) might be the smuggest person on earth right now. And Heidi may very well be the most annoying blond since, God rest her soul, Anna Nicole. What will their kid be like? But check it- they said they were "tortured" - literally - by NBC execs. TMZ reports, "We've learned Heidi was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with a gastric ulcer after being held with hubby Spencer Pratt in a dark room for a day and a night with only water, rice and beans. It was designed as punishment because they left the show. One cast member described their treatment this way: 'It's the same as Guantanamo Bay.'"

Electrifying Conclusion: C'mon now. Torture is watching this show for more than 30 seconds, know that all they would have to contribute to the good of mankind is a flash of Heidi's tits - wait, at least they're self aware. Heidi's scheduled to be nude in an upcoming issue of Playboy.

I'm StarPower and I approve this message.

p.s.s.s.s.t. -

you should really, really come to this:

(yes, that's my classroom - go on, click it).

This Is An Honorable Death...

...because you were my first. I don't count Friendster and MySpace; those were like french kisses, ass-smooches, and titty-sucks. Gave me a rise, but not the release I need. But you, T.E.C., you let me in whenever I wanted, and you were all about me and what I wanted to do. No pretty profiles or photo albums. With you it was always about being forward, not displaying faux-wit. You let me get my rocks off each and every time, exactly how I needed to, and for that, I will forever be greatful. Your spirit will live on in "I Think I Love My Life." R.I.P.