Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Black Flash, The Imaginary Vanishing Lead, & Expanding Taste Buds


You tellin' me this cat's name is actually Bolt? C'mon?! That's some made for tv shit! Then again, I always say that real life is more tv ready than anything scripted. Kudos to Usain (this guy has a lock on great monikers), you sir are a champion in their eyes. And mine. I'm a fanatic for outrageous sporting displays, and though Bolt's feat is being properly recognized, it's possible that it"s not yet being put in proper historical context. First of all, he's just about to turn 22 years old. 22 human years old. He probably has better days ahead of him. Inhuman. Better days than a 9.69 100 meters, faster than anyone actually gave humanity the credit of even being able to run. You see, he had no measurable wind behind him, which is uncommon for an outdoor sprint, and shut down to celebrate with 20 meters to go. Meaning, he could possibly put up something in the 9.45-9.50 range under ideal conditions and focus. This guy is like a Jamaican Neo. He's escaped from some sort of physical/mental reality that bounds most of the world. And the 100 isn't even his speciality, he just started that. Some think the 400 is his race. His 200 time is even more remarkable, because when Michael Johnson set that mark, he obliterated it with a time that seemed unapproachable. Bolt approached it and surpassed it. His size (6'5") is supposed to work against him, but he's turned it into an advantage, somehow beginning his next stride seemingly before he's finished the first. And he hasn't even refined his technique.

Electrifying conclusion: Bolt has already provided it. There have of course been performance enhancement allegations. Always a possibility I say, but as it stands, this is some 100 points in a game, 2 straight no-hitters, Grand Slam in one year, 7 straight Tour de Frances, Triple Crown type shit. I'm not saying Bolt's records are unbreakable, because he probably represents an evolution. We sometimes see people do some things a little ahead of schedule. I think Ato Boldon phrased it best, referring to Bolt, he said "Swimming has their Lazr suits and their deeper pools," he said. "We have a 6-foot-5 inch guy that's running 9.6s and beating the rest of the Olympic field by two tenths of a second. He's our new technology."

So I just read an article saying that McCain jumped ahead of Obama among likely voters, primarily because he's been on the offensive, and folks think he'll be a better manager of the economy. A few minutes later, I see that Obama's lead has been cut in half; it still isn't a dead heat, but he has some worrying to do. In that particular poll, Obama's lead is attributed to McCain being seen as a potentially weak manager of the economy. Both of these polls were splashed on the MSN homepage. I know not to take such things as gospel, but I know too many people who will argue you down based on such information. Polling of 1,764 likely voters. Not too scientific if you ask me. I know I'm not the first to make such an argument, and I'm sure there's a counter-argument I'm not enlightened enough to be aware of. Apparently, half of Hillary's backers won't vote for Obama. Wow. Who are they gonna vote for then, Johnny? I guess if they can't have Hillary, the status quo is the next best choice. Many voters don't believe in Obama's ability to handle foreign relations. So he went on a trip to a buncha foreign nations, giving McCain the opportunity to step front and center and hammer him every chance he got, making likely voters say "Obama's weak, he went overseas and got punked out." But, he went overseas to show y'all that he can do his foreign thang. That's what y'all wanted, yes/no? Listen, I'm stressing over planning my wedding (this Sat. 8/23), I can only imagine what planning a campaign is like. I don't see how that doesn't age you terribly. Obama looks great, and you know what? McCain's old as shit, but he's a feisty one. He has that Bush thing going as far as being a tough old white dude, assistant principal-type cat, who wasn't scared to bring all the hood niggas in his office and tell them what's what. I'm still ridin' w/Obama though on some 'CMB' shit ("we all we got!").

Electrifying conclusion: Y'all know I'm my brother's keeper, so I'm gonna vote for once and try to help a brother out. Obama needs to access just a little more of his blackness, just at certain moments, to let niggas know what's what. He said he fucks with Jay-Z, right? Jay needs to write some of his speeches. I could hear it now, both of them throwin' up the diamond saying, "It's the (ba)Rack!" (Ok, I know I'm not the first one to say that and think I was being clever/witty, and I'm actually tired of rappers trying to create marvelous wordplay with his name, what the fuck do you mean "I Barack with them Obamas?" That's nonsense. But dude got the kinda name that doesn't often hit the mainstream so I realize we gotta have as much fun with it as possible before hit just starts sounding common to us. I mean, we no longer find anything unusual about the name Snoop Doggy Dogg. Snoop Doggy Dogg?! That's preposterous. But we love him. Because he plays football with little kids. He's not a gang-banging Crip, no not at all. He's a Pop Warner coaching, reality show having, Justin Timberlake collabing, p-i-m-p. And we love him for it.) But yeah, Jay'll lace him - "I don't mean to boast, but damn if I don't brag/ Them crackers gon' act like I ain't on they ass." If Obama said that in a public form, I swear, I'd name my first child Barack or something close, like Billy. He would certainly never get elected to any public office ever again, but at least some guy somewhere whom he doesn't know would have a first born with a name somewhat like his. Or he could remix Jay's new joint, call it "Jockin' B. O." Since McCain's been comparing him to Paris Hilton and Britney and all that, he could hit him with that "Somebody shoulda told him I'm a fuckin rock star!" That would be a memorable day in black history.

Speaking of Hov, how y'all feelin' about the new joint (live version -recorded version) I felt like he was coasting, almost becoming a caricature of himself by rehashing the kinda shit that makes him Jay; the lyrics and sounds are minimal, but I kinda love it, it works. Then he said this: "I met honey at the show last year/ and now I'm acting brand new like a world premiere/ Yeah I know life ain't fair/ but chill babygirl, my girl is here!" Hilarious, and sly, when you think about who his girl is, and even though he's worth half-a-billy, hobnobbing with Chris Martin and Larry Bird, he's still "a nigga wit' a girl." Y'all know how that can get, right? Word.

Anyone know a good site where I can watch movies online? Gratis, of course.

Charles Barkley is gonna televise his colonoscopy - http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/8470928/?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002. Talk amongst yourselves.

Hey, guess what? I'm gonna have a 5th grade class this year. 12 kids and a para (it's a special ed class). Let the games begin!

Could Usain Bolt look more Jamaican?

So, humans have generally been known to detect 4 tastes - sweet, sour, bitter, and salty. Recently, "savory" has been added, and now scientists have discovered that mice can taste "calcium," and humans probably can too since us and mice have similar tongues. Calcium apparently tastes "calcium-y." Here's the article - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315648//wid/11915773?GT1=31036.

This just in, human male tongues apparently have the ability to detect a 7th taste - "vagina."

Judging by the last statement, I apparently have no taste!


I'm StarPower, and I approve his message.


1 comment:

Admin said...

Hov... Eh not spectacular.. I kinda wish he'd stop. But it is what it is... n/m