A small portion of the many things college taught me:

-If there was a college for me (3 actually), there’s a college for everyone.
-You do not have to take the SATs to get into college. (True story - Bachelors Degeree, History, Hunter College ‘06; Masters Degree, Urban Education, Mercy College, ‘10).
-You can write scholarly papers using Wikipedia research.
-While away at school, it’s better to steal some of your roommates soap than to wash with shampoo if you’ve run out of soap.
-If your roommates banging a girl while you’re in the room, you have every right to watch. No matter how much he loves her.
-If you don’t drink or smoke, you’re missing out on lot’s of fun. Period. (I did neither in college; hence the reason I now do one heavily, and experiment with the other as I move perilously close to ruining my life just as I’ve finally gotten it together. Don’t be like me. Drink, fuck, and do drugs in college, not in Bushwick).
-If you’re black, you can use white guilt on your professors to gain extra time to do a paper, or to be afforded another chance to take a final. How do you do this? Well damn, am I supposed to tell you everything?
-If you’re white, use college as an opportunity to fuck someone black.
-Cheating is easier in college than at any other level of schooling.
-You’ll probably never be able to see your favorite artists perform for less money than you will at college.
-If you put "college" into a Google Image search, you’ll instantly get maaad pictures of people doing the things I told you to do in college. In case you didn’t know what to do, that’s what you should be doing.
-Going to college should make you smart enough not to listen to folks like me. Then again, I went to college, and I’m about to start graduate school, so what does that say for higher learning?

One of the most annoying habits people have is the desire to be original. I know, I know, we all have the desire, and it’s a noble aim. But those who identify themselves by the desire are some of the most annoying people around. We all know people who can’t even buy a frickin’ pair of socks or tea mug unless it’s an expression of how cool they are. That’s usually where this desire to be original originates from. It’s often a person’s way of showing they have unique taste or creativity or talent or some other character trait that gives them value. Or maybe it’s just a person yearning to be noticed and appreciated in a world of soulless mass-production where each one of us is simply a number, my less cynical side says. Either way, it’s irritating and celebrities are at the forefront. Christina Aguilera recently said that she doesn’t wanna work with Timbaland on her latest album because "everyone has." God forbid Xtina does something unoriginal. First of all, everyone hasn’t worked with Timbaland. Just rich, talented, privileged artists who can afford him. Secondly, according to Dallas Austin, "everyone" has smashed Xtina; should that make her husband not want to have sex with her? Because then it would be an unoriginal experience. Thirdly (is that a word?), sometimes, success requires following an established pattern. Not saying she won’t hit on her own, but Timbaland is as close to a guarantee as you can get right now.

Electrifying conclusion: I’m in a pissy mood today, I guess. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like she’s gonna get Easy Mo Bee or Lord Finesse to do her effin’ album. She’s not gonna go that far left; she’s gonna get some "genius" who’s gonna produce her an album that "sounds totally different" than any of her previous albums. Gimme a break. I do recognize that some folks have to be different because they are just that bored with most things, and require something unusual to stimulate themselves. Could Xtina be such a person? Maybe, but she just sounds like a smugster from where I’m sitting.

Sting, along with his band The Police, held a press conference in Times Square to announce that their final concert will be played in New York City. Apparently this was important enough for Mayor Bloomberg to attend. I get it. I mean, what else is there for the mayor of New York City to do? Improve the subways New Yorkers are being asked to pay more for each year while receiving little change in quality of service? Help the millions of New Yorkers who struggle with sky-high rent, food, and gas prices? Work with his department of education to develop decent after school programs and other supplementary educational services? Nah, this press conference was obviously more important to Money Mike.

Electrifying conclusion: There Mikey goes again, putting The Police ahead of the citizens. Think this might’ve been a symbolic statement on the eve of planned Sean Bell shooting protests? Am I reaching? Who the hell knows. I do know that according to an article I read, The Police got together in 1977 and broke up by 1984. 7 corny years. Tours, documentaries, and reunions have lined their pockets since. Last year’s world your was supposed to be a 30th anniversary celebration of "Roxanne" and their formation. These muthaphuckas weren’t together for 30 years, so what the fuck are they celebrating? I’ll tell you what, the fact that they can fleece the world out of millions in 2007 the way they did in the early 1980s. Did you know that even though "Thriller" steamrolled everything in it’s way in 1982 and 1983, The Police’s "Every Breath You Take" actually beat out "Billie Jean" for song of the year?! "Billie-fucking-Jean!" Lemme tell you, "Every Breath You Take" is a corny record. One of the few records Puff improved on. That’s right I said it. And what?! Can’t beat me.

Random final thoughts: Big Pun could have been the greatest. He was that good. I need to lose a few. Pounds. The "Lollipop" video is dope. I'm really becoming a fan of Lupe Fiasco. Why is it so hard for me to get to a dermatologist? Khia is corny. Trina needs better songs. So does Kelly Rowland. I love the Bronx. Foxy Brown is a foxy piece of dark chocolate. M.I.A. is dope. So is Estelle. Both sexy also. Keep it funky.

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