I Think I Love My Wife More Than Grand Theft Auto IV

First off, Kerri Washington looked mad, mad good in “I Think I Love My Wife.” Never knew her body was that sick. But that thing she does with her mouth, pursing her lips every 40 seconds or so, is kinda weird. On some early onset Parkinson’s shit. Neither here nor there. Chris Rock’s wife in the film is also dope, but that’s the point, right? Who could ask for more, right? Apparently every man on earth. Only dudes who live with an attractive, educated, smart, funny, dedicated, fragile woman can appreciate how easy it is not to appreciate such a creature. This is a mad good movie until about the last 25 minutes. He woulda just smashed after going as far as he did with her in that hotel room. Then again, there’s something to be said for being able to tell your wife that you “did not have sexual relations with that woman.” You mighta got the head, sucked the nipples, and got a li’l finger action, but definitely no intercourse. You really need to be in a long-term relationship with a woman you really love, respect, and try not to cheat on to feel this movie like you should. I’ve run across a few women like Kerri Washington’s character, sometimes because I’ve worked with them or because they were old friends, but mostly because I’m awesome.

Electrifying conclusion: I think I love my (soon-to-be-this-August) wife. The secret to success in life is going through it with a woman that’s just a little bit better than you are. The desire to not disappoint her will extend to other areas in your life. Notice I haven’t said a thing about monogamy. That’s another blog. We’ll share our experiences with something many men think is an urban legend – the open relationship.

“Grand Theft Auto IV” brought in a half-billion dollars in it’s first week! Daaaamn! It’s being called possibly the biggest week for any form of entertainment. Meaning, it brought in more money than any movie (“Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead’s Man Chest” did $196 million it’s first week, though it probably did between $250 and $300 million worldwide), album (2.4 million records sold for ‘N Sync’s “No Strings Attached,” maybe another million worldwide probably equal no more than $60 million), book, tv show, sporting event – anything. Microsoft’s “Halo 3” had the previous record with $400 million it’s opening week.

Electrifying conclusion: I never got into video games, and wouldn’t know what to do with a Playstation, Xbox, or Dreamcast (people still play that? I don’t know, my video game career peaked with Coleco Vision). But judging from the numbers, lots of folks are into pretending to run drugs, shoot cops, and beat up ho’s. I guess I can see the appeal.

My mind is the subway. Dirty, unappreciated, underutilized, expansive, and dangerous. Here's my train of thought for today:

I pray no one ever again sends me a “Bill Gates is sharing his fortune” email ever again*Bill Gates will not write you a check for $245 * Elisha Cuthbert is hot * She won’t write you a check either * Take the time to unsubscribe to email lists you don’t want to be a part of*Hip-hop makes the world go ‘round * I rock * Enough with this Uma Thurman stalker thing. America still gets in a tizzy when a beautiful white woman is in depair. Did I say that before? See, they got me too!* I feel crazy sad about Myanmar. Is it me, or does it seem like natural disasters have been decimating lives the last few years on a level not consistent with the previous 20? * I can only go back so far people. I’m kinda young * A homeless dude asked me for money while showing me some kinda card. Like a homeless license or something.

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