Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Black Flash, The Imaginary Vanishing Lead, & Expanding Taste Buds

You tellin' me this cat's name is actually Bolt? C'mon?! That's some made for tv shit! Then again, I always say that real life is more tv ready than anything scripted. Kudos to Usain (this guy has a lock on great monikers), you sir are a champion in their eyes. And mine. I'm a fanatic for outrageous sporting displays, and though Bolt's feat is being properly recognized, it's possible that it"s not yet being put in proper historical context. First of all, he's just about to turn 22 years old. 22 human years old. He probably has better days ahead of him. Inhuman. Better days than a 9.69 100 meters, faster than anyone actually gave humanity the credit of even being able to run. You see, he had no measurable wind behind him, which is uncommon for an outdoor sprint, and shut down to celebrate with 20 meters to go. Meaning, he could possibly put up something in the 9.45-9.50 range under ideal conditions and focus. This guy is like a Jamaican Neo. He's escaped from some sort of physical/mental reality that bounds most of the world. And the 100 isn't even his speciality, he just started that. Some think the 400 is his race. His 200 time is even more remarkable, because when Michael Johnson set that mark, he obliterated it with a time that seemed unapproachable. Bolt approached it and surpassed it. His size (6'5") is supposed to work against him, but he's turned it into an advantage, somehow beginning his next stride seemingly before he's finished the first. And he hasn't even refined his technique.

Electrifying conclusion: Bolt has already provided it. There have of course been performance enhancement allegations. Always a possibility I say, but as it stands, this is some 100 points in a game, 2 straight no-hitters, Grand Slam in one year, 7 straight Tour de Frances, Triple Crown type shit. I'm not saying Bolt's records are unbreakable, because he probably represents an evolution. We sometimes see people do some things a little ahead of schedule. I think Ato Boldon phrased it best, referring to Bolt, he said "Swimming has their Lazr suits and their deeper pools," he said. "We have a 6-foot-5 inch guy that's running 9.6s and beating the rest of the Olympic field by two tenths of a second. He's our new technology."

So I just read an article saying that McCain jumped ahead of Obama among likely voters, primarily because he's been on the offensive, and folks think he'll be a better manager of the economy. A few minutes later, I see that Obama's lead has been cut in half; it still isn't a dead heat, but he has some worrying to do. In that particular poll, Obama's lead is attributed to McCain being seen as a potentially weak manager of the economy. Both of these polls were splashed on the MSN homepage. I know not to take such things as gospel, but I know too many people who will argue you down based on such information. Polling of 1,764 likely voters. Not too scientific if you ask me. I know I'm not the first to make such an argument, and I'm sure there's a counter-argument I'm not enlightened enough to be aware of. Apparently, half of Hillary's backers won't vote for Obama. Wow. Who are they gonna vote for then, Johnny? I guess if they can't have Hillary, the status quo is the next best choice. Many voters don't believe in Obama's ability to handle foreign relations. So he went on a trip to a buncha foreign nations, giving McCain the opportunity to step front and center and hammer him every chance he got, making likely voters say "Obama's weak, he went overseas and got punked out." But, he went overseas to show y'all that he can do his foreign thang. That's what y'all wanted, yes/no? Listen, I'm stressing over planning my wedding (this Sat. 8/23), I can only imagine what planning a campaign is like. I don't see how that doesn't age you terribly. Obama looks great, and you know what? McCain's old as shit, but he's a feisty one. He has that Bush thing going as far as being a tough old white dude, assistant principal-type cat, who wasn't scared to bring all the hood niggas in his office and tell them what's what. I'm still ridin' w/Obama though on some 'CMB' shit ("we all we got!").

Electrifying conclusion: Y'all know I'm my brother's keeper, so I'm gonna vote for once and try to help a brother out. Obama needs to access just a little more of his blackness, just at certain moments, to let niggas know what's what. He said he fucks with Jay-Z, right? Jay needs to write some of his speeches. I could hear it now, both of them throwin' up the diamond saying, "It's the (ba)Rack!" (Ok, I know I'm not the first one to say that and think I was being clever/witty, and I'm actually tired of rappers trying to create marvelous wordplay with his name, what the fuck do you mean "I Barack with them Obamas?" That's nonsense. But dude got the kinda name that doesn't often hit the mainstream so I realize we gotta have as much fun with it as possible before hit just starts sounding common to us. I mean, we no longer find anything unusual about the name Snoop Doggy Dogg. Snoop Doggy Dogg?! That's preposterous. But we love him. Because he plays football with little kids. He's not a gang-banging Crip, no not at all. He's a Pop Warner coaching, reality show having, Justin Timberlake collabing, p-i-m-p. And we love him for it.) But yeah, Jay'll lace him - "I don't mean to boast, but damn if I don't brag/ Them crackers gon' act like I ain't on they ass." If Obama said that in a public form, I swear, I'd name my first child Barack or something close, like Billy. He would certainly never get elected to any public office ever again, but at least some guy somewhere whom he doesn't know would have a first born with a name somewhat like his. Or he could remix Jay's new joint, call it "Jockin' B. O." Since McCain's been comparing him to Paris Hilton and Britney and all that, he could hit him with that "Somebody shoulda told him I'm a fuckin rock star!" That would be a memorable day in black history.

Speaking of Hov, how y'all feelin' about the new joint (live version -recorded version) I felt like he was coasting, almost becoming a caricature of himself by rehashing the kinda shit that makes him Jay; the lyrics and sounds are minimal, but I kinda love it, it works. Then he said this: "I met honey at the show last year/ and now I'm acting brand new like a world premiere/ Yeah I know life ain't fair/ but chill babygirl, my girl is here!" Hilarious, and sly, when you think about who his girl is, and even though he's worth half-a-billy, hobnobbing with Chris Martin and Larry Bird, he's still "a nigga wit' a girl." Y'all know how that can get, right? Word.

Anyone know a good site where I can watch movies online? Gratis, of course.

Charles Barkley is gonna televise his colonoscopy - Talk amongst yourselves.

Hey, guess what? I'm gonna have a 5th grade class this year. 12 kids and a para (it's a special ed class). Let the games begin!

Could Usain Bolt look more Jamaican?

So, humans have generally been known to detect 4 tastes - sweet, sour, bitter, and salty. Recently, "savory" has been added, and now scientists have discovered that mice can taste "calcium," and humans probably can too since us and mice have similar tongues. Calcium apparently tastes "calcium-y." Here's the article -

This just in, human male tongues apparently have the ability to detect a 7th taste - "vagina."

Judging by the last statement, I apparently have no taste!

I'm StarPower, and I approve his message.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Funnier, Cooler Heaven Than It Was Just A Few Days Ago

R.I.P. Isaac Hayes. Chainlink vest wearin', bald-headed, muscular, shades, gold jewelry. There was cool, and then there was Isaac Hayes. I can only imagine the impact he must've had when he came to fame, looking and sounding different than his contemporaries. I'm not even gonna front like I have his albums and know a lot of his music, I know some, but I also know an ill individual when I see one, and Mr. Hayes obviously had charisma to spare. The man won Grammys, an Oscar, starred in movies, inspired countless rappers, and played the iconic "Chef" on an otherwise (in my opinion) overrated t.v. show. I stay on the path towards pursuing my full potential by remembering what men like him pushed themselves to achieve.

Electrifying conclusion: I can't stand these R.I.P. posts. My last 3 blogs have included mini-tributes to great entertainers. I don't get too sad b/c death is a part of life, but you always get the sense that unfinished business is being left in the world, but I guess that's also a part of life. I'm a fan of closure, and death isn't always closure. Isaac Hayes, ironically enough, had a film coming up co-starring, yup, Bernie Mac. One of my favorite Isaac Hayes performances was his role in "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka." Remember this funny shit?

Hey, if you call me and don't leave me a message, it's like you never called me. If you call me and your message says for me to "call you back," I won't call you back...I think I'm gonna write a song called "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." The world needs my take on that title...So, Brock Lesnar just might make it in MMA after all, huh?...Cheney said that Russia's aggression towards Georgia "must not go unanswered." Meaning, "Russia's fucking up our oil game out there, and we're prepared to lean on them, at the least, to restore order."

Scientist are bending light now, or some "Avatar" shit. This is the first step toward creating invisibility cloaks. Reuters says, "Scientists have created two new types of materials that can bend light the wrong way, creating the first step toward an invisibility cloaking device. One approach uses a type of fishnet of metal layers to reverse the direction of light, while another uses tiny silver wires, both at the nanoscale level.
Both are so-called metamaterials -- artificially engineered structures that have properties not seen in nature, such as negative refractive index. "In naturally occurring material, the index of refraction, a measure of how light bends in a medium, is positive," he said.
"When you see a fish in the water, the fish will appear to be in front of the position it really is. Or if you put a stick in the water, the stick seems to bend away from you."
These are illusions caused by the light bending when it moves between water and air.
The negative refraction achieved by the teams at Berkeley would be different.
"Instead of the fish appearing to be slightly ahead of where it is in the water, it would actually appear to be above the water's surface," Valentine said. "It's kind of weird."

Electrifying conclusion: Of course, they're downplaying the current significance and effectiveness of this technology, probably b/c they're already cloaking shit, and spying on niggas. Anytime I read about some new space-aged tech I automatically assume that we're being told about it 10-20 years after the government has decided what they're gonna do with it. Police forces already have invisible pain rays and hallucinogens that are used for crowd control, which they deny. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility as far as I'm concerned.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

The Electrifying Return

My summer teacher training is over folks. Yes, New York City is gonna entrust me with the education, emotional, and mental growth of a portion of it's youth. I can't do any worse than what's been done already, right?! I've been thinking about all kinds of classroom related things, such as the colors I'll use to decorate my room (X-Clan status baby - "the red, the black, and the green; with the key - sissieeeeeees!!!"), how my school is gonna react to my "Unforgivable Blackness" tatoo (y'all know I aint wearin' long-sleeves all year; but I can't front, it was certainly a liability at a recent job fair - their loss!), and what kind of homework I'm going to give on the first day (yup, I'm killin' their asses with homework, 'cuz it'll keep them occupied during those dangerous afterschool cartoon hours; first day's homework will be "to ask about me." I'm gonna say, "Does anyone know who Mr. Collins is, besides me being your teacher? No? Then ya betta aks somebody." Any student who doesn't know how I get down, and of course none of them will since it will be my first day, will have to literally ask their parents about me. Confused, their parents will demand to know what the meaning of all this is, I will lie and say I never gave such homework, and a number of wonderfully awkward relationships will begin between me and my students' parents. This is my ingenious plan to facilitate parent involvement.) The training was less intense than I thought it would be, but extremely time-consuming. This blog has suffered as a result, but "T.E.C." is a tough sumbitch, a true reflection of it's creator, and we're bouncing right back. Back to all the culture commentary that most folks are scared to say, waiting for somebody else to say, or probably just don't care about. Many things have occurred since we last spoke, and though I often had the urge to strike up a convo, my attention was usually taken by either academic commitments or the pursuit of pervasive pleasures (courtesy of "Jack Daniels" and the stress heaped upon me by the New York City Teaching Fellows). And oh yeah, I'm getting married. In 2 weeks. So yeah, I've been a li'l busy. But enough about me...

After seeing "Dark Knight" (awesome flick, Heath didn't impress me greatly until the last hour, at which time I concluded that the inclusion of the Joker, as portrayed by the late actor, absolutely made the movie - still can't say he was a better Joker than Jack, but his performance was just as entertaining), me and the soon-to-be wife hit a bar somewhere along the E. 80s that featured beer pong, a waitress who definitely seemed like a potential threesome candidate (kidding, somewhat), and projectors showing the opening events of the 2008 Olympics. Did anyone catch those drummers? My goodness, 2008 of 'em in almost perfect synchronization (synchrosity?), and since the sound was down, and 50 Cent was blasting through the speakers, it seemed like they were drumming to "In Da Club" from where we were sitting. But yeah, it looked mad ill. Not ill enough to make me forget that some athletes are wearing masks b/c of the pollution and in labor camps the government is torturing Falun Gong practitioners, who in my ignorant opinion appear to just be flexible, non-violent, zealots, but who knows what damage they can do with all that flexible, non-violent zeal?

Electrifying conclusion: I'm maaaaad nice in beer pong. On some real shit; if it was an Olympic event, I'd probably try out. The catch is, I hate beer (Shout out Grandad's Nerve Tonic though - that's my shit!). So if I'm not up to having a belly full of hops, I usually designate my partner the team drinker. Small price to pay to be down with a winner...I'm a big Olympics fan in general, but these games just seem unimpressive to me. Maybe it's the Chinese ass-kissing going on on the part of the U.S., who of course is trying to get as much of that Chinese paper as possible, and is shook of potential beef with China. Maybe it's the fact that there's no Marion Jones or Michael Johnson-like character going for some ill feat (then again, I take that back, Michael Phelps is THE MAN, and I wish him luck). Mabye it's the fact that I don't know what hot female competitors to follow and look for accidental nudity pics of. Anyone got any suggestions? Email me at

Random thoughts before I forget...Brett Farve is gonna throw 80 interceptions as a Jet and further tarnish his legacy, but still be an upgrade over Pennington and Clemens...They really need to stop giving us 15 cents worth of chips in a bag that should cost 25 cents, but costs 50 cents...I'm drivin' now folks! Got my first parking ticket and all that. Giving back my first car though (1995 Cutlass Cierra), she just hasn't treated me good enough. I got real aggressive in a matter of 1 week. Seriously. I was a mad safe driver before I found myself driving all over the Bronx, Harlem, and Yonkers for a week. That'll do it!...I'm dying to do karaoke, who's down?...Clay Aiken had a kid with a 50 year chick he's not fucking; they did it thru art-insemi. Apparently the kid was born @ 8:08 on 8/8/08. Do what you will with all that info...I've been a major Maggie Gyllenhaal fan since "Secretary" (I'm definitely into that kinda shit), but she was underwhelming in Dark Knight...Oh shit, did y'all here about "Anonymous?" The group out to destroy the Scientologists (who are maaaad more gangsta than I figured they were)? Maxim, that bastion of mature, objective, and noble journalism, has an ill article on them. They did a Youtube video in response to that INSANE Tom Cruise Scientology video that was leaked. Go do some surfing and check it all out, I'm too lazy to post a link right now...Nah, here ya go - - doesn't do justice to the story though...

Bernie Mac passed away at 50 due to complications from pneumonia. Sucks. He was one of the greatest entertainers ever, in my opinion. Pure funny. It seems like many great black entertainers die young, and I'm not talking about violently. I mean the Bernies, and Luthers, and Gerald Leverts, and Gregory Hineses. I don't know why, but at least the world got to enjoy their immense talents.
Electrifying conclusion: Those herbs who heckled Bernie when he made a MAD funny off-color joke at an Obama fundraiser need to grow some nuts. Even if they were women. If they were men, God help them. Y'all already know how sick I am of these gay-ass straight men running around, all sensitive and in tune with their feminine sides. Shit, I know gay niggas who are straighter than these gay-straight niggas runnin' 'round here! Sometimes I feel like I'ma be the first nigga to gay-bash straight niggas (said the Mr. Overdo It). I ain't got a problem with gays, but with straights who are afraid to act like men. Anywaaay, R.I.P. Bernie, you're being missed already.

Yoooo, did y'all see the whole John Edwards affair scandal?! Dude was smashing another chick while running for president, while his wife was sick wit cancer! This is what the AP said about Johnnie - Nine years ago, John Edwards had this to say about Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky affair: "I think this president has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter." That was mad corny of him, even if he didn't have his own dalliance. It aint no guy's place to crap on another dude in that situation. That's some woman shit. (Damn, maybe I am a chauvinist pig, Rita). Gotta love the way he described his mindstate at the time: "I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic." Do we now apologize for such things? I didn't get the memo.

Electrifying conclusion: From the Clinton denouncement to the weak explanation to the fact that he announced this shit during the start of the Olympics to deflect attention from it, this was a really pussy extramarital affair admission. New York Gov. David Patterson set the standard for how to go about doing it. It was g(-enius, -angsta, -reatness) how he announced his right after Eliot did, on some "A nigga can't look too bad in comparison to this fool if I announce my indescretions right after." While Johnnie was fathering kids and Eliot was grossly overpaying for the pussy, Dave's blind ass was banging out colleagues at the Days Inn uptown. A champion in my eyes. As far as Johnnie, I feel kinda bad, b/c it aint easy being committed. You spend a lotta energy trying not to fuck up a good thing. It's the war of happiness vs. pleasure. The wife provides happiness; the slide, the jump, the affair, the one-night stand, provides pleasure. Then again, sometimes the side thang ends up becoming wifey, which turns everything upside down. I know this all too well. My soon-to-be wife was initially a one-night conquest, on both sides. You never know, do you?

My mind is the subway, full of insane characters, open to anyone with $2...Really, America? Latvia beat you? Seriously?...Miley Cyrus admitted to an intense love affair with Nick Jonas. They're 15 years old. Bet he smashed...Guys my lady says "can get it" - T.I., Matt McConaughey, L.L. Cool J., Will Smith, Morris Chestnutt, Keanu Reeves, and most of all - Boris Kodjoe. Guys, you can't get mad at ya lady for disclosing such things. Chicks, even if they are committed to you, wanna get it in too. If they didn't, how would we ever get any vag?...Jay premiered a track off of his upcoming "Blueprint 3." The series has been stellar so far, better than his "In My Lifetime" series if you ask me, so it has a lot to live up to. I think Jay's game though. This joint is fire - Til next time, y'all know what it is...

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.