Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Rise Of The Multis

You know, I was kinda blind-sided (no Christopher Rios intended) when I saw the sight-impaired claiming Gov. David Patterson as one of their own after the whole Eliot Spitzer scandal erupted. (Not from New York? quick summary: our gov was a real dickhead, not in office that long, who made a career out of going after scumbags as Attorney General, then come to find out, he's been buying wil' expensive 22-year old ho's, even though he's married, and charged it to the state allegedly. He lost his job to a black blind guy). So where was I? Oh yeah. So, I mean, sure, he's obviously not eagle-eyed, but I was ready to claim Dave for being of a darker shade, not seeing a darker shade. I kinda felt like the blindness was secondary. I know it's a prominent part of who he is, but apparently so is bangin' all types of underlings; I aint see all of the secretary-fucking Wall Street bosses and check-out girl-smashin' Walmart managers claimin' him, did you? (some background on Dave for you non-NYers: he admitted that he's been known to bang a skirt or two himself outside of the marital bed, at the Days Inn on 94th St. next to the movie theatre. Gangsta. Well, us New Yorkers could be worse off. I mean, look at New Jersey!)

But then I thought about it. Maybe I'm the one that needs perspective. Maybe times have changed, and blackness is no longer the leading handicap. I thought to myself, "who does Dave identify with most?" Maybe he feels more blind than black. Brings me to this article about the explosion of multi-racial Americans, whose population is rising 10x faster than whites. First off, a lot of these multi-rats are really just white people made up of different kinds of whites, which really just makes them superwhite, like ultraviolet or something. Furthermore, cats who consider themselves white in a Latin country, and then come to America and are now regarded as Hispanics, but really don't identify as such, really fuck the game up. And how about those Moorish Spaniards? I'm sliding down the slope now, so I'll retreat before I get too far away from what I originally intended to speak on, but let me just say this. Race might be the most real-life affecting thing that actually isn't real. I know that wasn't so eloquent, but I'm sure you understand what I mean. Then again, maybe you don't. There is no definition for race that, as a rule, can always be accurately applied. It is impossible to group humans into races, because using all established categories, some folks still won't be covered. So it isn't really real, although it's ingrained in almost all of us. I once was told by a professor that an attempt to definitively categorize everyone led to over 7,000 different categories. According to established standards, who isn't multi-racial in America? How many generations do you have to trace back to consider yourself multi-racial? There's possibly an answer for this, but if you leave it in my comment space, you are about as far from awesome as possible. Anywaaay (remember, when I write that in italics, you're supposed to imagine me sayin' it like Movado in "Weh Dem A Do"), in the article I read, the multis claim Sen. Obama as one of their own. At first I got defensive because, yeah, he's mixed, but he's a brother, he's black. Just light-skinned. I fear the rise of the multis might eventually pull legit blacks, light-skinned ones, away from the ranks just because many blacks like to identify with anything but being black. Where do you think the "I got some Indian in my family" joke originated? Many blacks love to be able to latch on to something else besides blackness to show that they're exotic (which is funny because true out-of-Africa blackness was probably for many years, to many Europeans, about as exotic as one can get). I once heard a girl, after hearing a guy was black and Hawaiin say, "that sounds hot, I bet he's fine." Because black and something else is supposed to trump black and black. That's why tan beats dark brown in Hollywood for the most part. But back to the multis. Some, like the guy pictured her, say that they aren't a racial or ethnic group, and to describe them as so would be a mistake. I say "pish-posh, Peter Tosh" who the hell cares ? (that should be said like 50 Cent in "I Get Money"). Don't lecture me, multi. Just make sure y'all claimin' the right folks, like Mariah Carey and Beethoven. Don't make us initiate a race draft.


Electrifying conclusion: My ignorance knows no bounds, but you gotta admit, with the rise of the multis, my Tragic Mulatto Harem/Opium Den aint lookin' so silly now, is it? Don't remember that? Go back a couple hundred weeks on the myspace blog (myspace.com/starpowerhouse).

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