Sunday, June 29, 2008

No Child Left Behind (aka Ode To Wesley)

Ode To Wesley (a.k.a. "Ode To The No Child Left Behind Act")

As the 8th period bell sounds off one half Bronx block away,
The fearless group leader approaches the lawless, chaotic world of afterschool activity
anticipating the pouts, the rolled eyes and the sucked teeth which accompany denied requests for an extra snack.
No, you may not have another juice;
No, you may not run down the hall and get me in trouble with my supervisor.
Sit down, you little fuck; no, you may not write on the board.
What you may do, is get me angry enough to tell you what every adult really thinks about you.
Hey Wesley, by 13 years old, you've built up enough self-esteem and security to withstand a little bit of constructive criticism, right?
Besides, it's not all your fault,
Given the name Wesley, you were destined to be the asshole most Wesley's are.
If I wasn't dependent on my extreme tolerance to pay my mortgage, I would tell you this to your pleasantly degenerate little face,
But seeing as how you aren't the most literate creature there Wesley,
I doubt you'd even be able to read my lips.
You and all the other miscreants who've made after-school the Devil's Playground-
Your whinin', your screamin', your beggin', your cursin', your stupidity,
never listening, always talking-
You test my will to be merciful.
No Child Left Behind my ass (pause)
Your poor, poor mother must curse all 12 gods of Mount Olympus every waking day that she bore a child like you, Wesley.
If children are indeed the future, the future must be one big cocksuckin' mistake.
When you're in that jail cell next year, hoping that they're just joshing when they say you might be tried as an adult,
Think back to when your president, George W. Bush, tried to save you-
Tried to save you, Wesley!-
by legislating the No Child Left Behind Act.
And then try to pinpoint the exact moment, this After School Group Leader said,
"Aw, f-ck him! Let's leave this child as far behind as possible."
Happy Trails, Wesley

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