Sunday, November 16, 2008

Lifes All About Making The Right Choices, Even For Celebrities

Seems like things have went downhill, music-wise, for Fitty ever since he challenged Kanye to 9/11 hip-hop supremacy last year, huh? I mean, dude is still worth a cool quarter-billion and rising, but he's just not putting out the hits anymore. That "Get Up" joint is not making many folks want to do such a thing at all, and with a new 'Ye album led by 2 monster singles ("Love Lockdown" and "Heartless") as well as albums from Jay, Luda, Beyonce, and other 4th quarter heros on the horizon, Fifth's label thought it better to push his album into 2009. Check it -

Electrifying conclusion: No matter what he might get on the radio and/or internet and say, don't let him fool ya into thinking "Before I Self Destruct" was pushed back for any reason other than niggas aint checkin' for him right now. Doesn't mean he's washed; 50 could drop a hot joint right now and I'll dedicate my next blog to him. But his last few singles have paled in comparison to the monsters he was unleashing in previous years. This is a very real example of corny songs being reflected in an artist's weak sales. He'll do a nice number, as always, and kill 'em overseas, but no more of that 800,000 to 1,000,000. Nope. And don't blame the sales climate. We're seeing from artists like Wayne, AC/DC, Coldplay, and others that those huge weeks still exist (at least in the first week) for artists who make dope music.

My wife wants to believe that he's only doing it for publicity because my wife finds him cute, thus doesn't want to see him do anything that will make him less attractive in her eyes. Women are weird like that. Actions can make a guy less appealing to them. Whatever. I don't wanna believe it because I don't wanna see him go out like that. I wanna believe he's only doing it to keep milking that fine heiffer's tits without buying the cow for a li'l bit longer, until he gets tired of her and finds a real white girl to fuck with. You know, one that doesn't exclusively fuck with black guys. 'Cause those are the authentic ones. Somebody needs to tell Reggie that a blond, debutante, Taylor Swift lovin', daughter of the revolution comes with the contract. You don't wife Kim maaan! Look at Kim - she was built to be a jumpoff! This is what I'm talking about, by the way -

Electrifying conclusion: Like that fountain of wisdom Camron Giles said a decade ago, "You the type of cat wanna marry your lover/ Go to the end of earth for her, like Mario's brother..." These niggas nowadays kill me with their thoughts of proposals and engagements, and marriages, and the like. What happened to being a playa for life?! And it's not that someone has fucked his girl before. I mean, who among us, with any sense of decency, has wifed a virgin after turning 21 years old? Not many. Its that someone named Ray J (who I fux with, which should make it all the more intolerable) has his girl sucking all types of schlong and taking all types of cock in her slit on camera. For the world to see. You just know mad athlete/rapper/singer/actor cocks have become acquainted with Kim's quim. And something made Reggie say, "That's the vagina I want to spend the rest of my life with." *Sigh* For him to make up for this, he's gonna have to be, like, the first nigga to get at Malia Ann Obama when her pops leaves office in 2016 and she becomes legal and a bit more accessible. (Too much? Damn, I guess this is where the Men in Black shut my whole internet game down. Oh well, I had fun!)

Random thoughts: New York teams are improving my quality of life! After a huge baseball letdown, the Giants, Jets, and Knicks are giving us something to look forward to this winter. Don't break my heart, Knicks! Brett, sorry I doubted you!...Does Seal have a new joint out?...Make me see a James Bond movie... I aint know Wanda Sykes was gay, but I can see it, I guess - Make me care about Jen Aniston's beef with Angelina Jolie...I'm crushed about the fact that "True Blood" only has 3 episodes left (or is it 2?). Where the hell is "Tell Me You Love Me," by the way?...My birthday is Wednesday (right?). Still in my 20s. Barely. Still loving every moment. Living the dream people. Living the dream.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.
p.s. btw, as far as the show last Thursday, to quote Li'l Wayne, "And sho' enuff, we did exactly what I said!"

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Like Monica Asked, I Aint Take It Personal, It Was Just One Of Those Days

After lunch, the kids were hype and the usual childish nonsense ensued, but at least they were hype to play Social Studies Jeopardy in preparation of the big test on Wednesday and Thursday. I steered clear of adults, so we avoided any incidents that would have turned this blog into "The Dope Show, Revisited" (that's a throwback for the folks who've been following me since a coupla years back on the MySpace blog). Anywho, at the risk of making this blog too much about me and not enough about the famous and infamous people I judge, let me just let you know about this cool show I have coming up (yes, I'm still a rapper, a pretty good one at that - this show marks the re-establishment of my position and return to form as a writer, rapper, and performer, as long as we don't get the shitty mics, aren't cut off halfway through out set, and I don't get that weird dry-mouth thing I started getting after they put a crown on one of my teet a year or 2 back; ugh, that was a killer @ the SUNY-Purchase show).

11/13/2008 9:00 PM - Public Assemebly
70 North 6th St. Brooklyn, New York 11211

Cost:$ 10

Description: On a bill headed by the legendary BEATNUTS, my crew, The Dugout, makes a triumphant return to reclaim our title as the best, most unique, most versatile up-and-coming rap group after a brief educational hiatus! Also with K Salaam, Tsi LaBrev, Tone Tank of The Nuclear Family, The Dugout Crew, and Jah C. Special guests: DJ Kunal Merchant, Precision Dance NYC, Chry Baby Cozie of The Breakfast Club and Trends of VH1’s I love New York . 2 for 1 redbull vodkas for the first hour.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Some Days Start Better Than Others

Hey folks, this is my first time writing from my new gig as 5th Grade Special Education teacher in my beloved adopted borough, The Bronx. This blog originated out of the frustration and boredom I suffered at my previous job as Attendance Improvement/Dropout Prevention coordinator at a high school in the great borough of Brooklyn. Anyway, today finds me keeping my perspective and my smile even though it's only 10 am, and so far I've been met with the following obstacles:

- A broken passenger window on my Jeep. Fools aint take a damn thing b/c the radio isn't removable. They left me with nothing but shattered glass. Knew it would happen sooner or later b/c they do this to cars quite often. We park under a bridge by 87. By our building, the last building on Sedgwick Avenue. The only thing close to it is...a police precint. Go figure. I'm thinking it's an inside job, to get us to pay for a parking spot in our gentrified, overpriced apartment building. It might work. I'll let you know.
- A moody school secretary. Is there any other kind? I'm giving in my direct deposit information, and she's like, "Put it in my mailbox," which is a conditioned response to everything anyone asks her. After taking 10 seconds to not find her mailbox, I left in on her desk. Politely. Not wanting to help me will only make me ask for more help, for some reason.
- A p.a. system that gives me announcements for the other school in my building instead of mine. So I get useless interruptions instead of useful information. I go to the aformentioned school secretary for help, and I get a nice "Put it (the custodial request form) in his mailbox." But I was a step ahead. I filled out two. One for his mailbox (I've called, left it in the office, talked to a janitor, and talked to the principal), and one for her desk. After explaining my plight, not so nicely, all she could say was, "Oh, ok." They've had enough halo from Mr. Collins here. Time for the horns.
I'm sure my day will turn. I'll update you later.

Bet you didn't think about this when signing up for Facebook, high-schoolers: Colleges are looking at your pages to make judegements about you. Don't be too upset. I've judged folks by far less. Anyway, this is what I read on "The Wall Street Journal's September 16 edition featured an article titled "College Applicant, Beware: Your Facebook Page is Showing" that, with the help of a survey by Kaplan, finally confirmed the truth -- people, all kinds of people, are interested in an individual's cyber self. This new survey included feedback from 320 selective schools, of which 10 percent use social-networking sites to evaluate applicants, a fair amount of whom admit to being negatively influenced by what they find."

The Electrifying conclusion: You know you gotta change that AIM name. Because it's right there on your page, and the adjective that's in front of your nickname may reveal what kind of drunken, whorish things you're gonna do once you're in collge, but you gotta get in first. You might wanna do like I did when I interviewed for my job by covering my Black Supremacy tats, then exposing them to my principal right after I got hired. In other words, front for what you want, and when you get in, go in, so to speak. Those privacy settings are too easy to get around. Also, you may wanna evaluate your "Wall," (especially if you're my friend) you "Gifts," (I see too many thongs) and other applications.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Dear Roy Jones Jr.,

I understand, for the most part. I'm not upset, for the most part. You are 39, you were the older man. Yeah, Joe Calzaghe is 36 himself, but I can only imagine what can happen to an athlete's body in the span of 3 years, especially in your late 30s. Roy, you didn't belong in that ring last night. In your prime, you woulda put him away twice as bad as he did you last night. But you aren't in your prime, and you were just the last notch Joe needed on his belt before he could retire. I also know that you both made a pretty penny last night, so that was also motivation. Again, I understand, for the most part. But was it worth the humiliation? You looked good in the first 2 rounds, but anyone who knows just a little bit about boxing knew that there was no way you'd look like that for the next 10. Not after what we've seen from you the past few years. Please don't get in the ring with B-Hop, Roy. That might be the last fight that people care about, but shouldn't, meaning if the dollars add up, it still might happen, no matter what you've been saying for years. Hang 'em up, Roy. I'm not ever mad at an athlete going past his/her prime. Who knows? There may be a comeback left, and we love those more than anything. But it's clear that you are done. Which isn't bad; everyone is done at some point. You were one of the greatest Roy. Period. I'd even take your career over Joe's. No one did it like you did it. But answer me this Roy: Why didn't you take at least one swing at Joe all those times he dropped his hands and stuck his head out in front of you? I know you probably couldn't see out of your left eye, but still. Why Roy, why? Because if this is the end, you fought valiantly, for the most part. But you did not go down swinging. You got your ass kicked, for the most part.

Tell Joe that although he got you and B-Hop on his resume, he didn't get the real version of either of you. He didn't have to taunt you. He only did that because that's the only way he felt like he could get a piece of the real Roy. You had good reason to never go overseas to fight in your prime. But he was scared to cross the pond, Roy. Scared. And yes, he's great, and he (maybe) retires undefeated, untied, but he never really went to war. And though I take my hat off to Joe the Boxer, we salute warriors 'round these parts. Warriors like you Roy. Now put away your armor and move on Roy. We won't forget -

"Y'all Must've Forgot" by Roy Jones, Jr.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

No More Electric Relaxation

"Welcome back, StarPower!" said T.E.C.
"Glad to be back!" I said.
"So I know you said you'd come back when you cleared your head a bit, enough to focus on people other than yourself. Are you in that place now?"
"I think I am, homey. I think I am."
"Back to judging celebrities, quantifying every and anyone's artistic output, deriding trends, and generally keeping folks abreast on what's important out there in the cultural landscape?"
"Spoken like a true blog, T.E.C. Yes, I am back. For real this time. I've been feeling extra spicey lately; high time I came back to my kitchen and dished out some sustenance to my people."
"Good shit. You know we got a new President, right? And he's a brother!"
"Yeah man, Barack Obama."
"How you feelin' about that?"
"I feel like I didn't help put him in office."
"You see, I found out I had 'inactive' voter status a day before the election. Did some research and figured I'd be able to take care of it on Election Day and go help make history. Found out it was something I should have taken care of months before and something not so easy to figure out the day of. Long story short, my wife voted for both of us."
"I know your wife does everything for you, but voting is one thing she can't do for you. One person, one vote."
"Whatever, you know-it-all blog. The nigga won, didn't he? That's what's important. He aint need my vote."
"If everyone thought like you, he wouldn't have won. You would've been tight if he lost by 1 vote, wouldn't you have? They put those obstacles in place for people like you; white people will find a way, blacks like you need to be more proactive."
"Fuck you mean "blacks like me?! Racist-ass blog!"
"How the fuck can I be racist?! I'm a blog, I'm whatever color you made me."
"Your ass is gonna be clear, meaning non-existent, if you don't stop fuckin' wit' me!"
"You probably thought that was clever. That wasn't even clever. Not at all. Not funny, not clever. Guess that's what happens when you haven't been writing for a while. Use it or lose it, pal. By the way, how's the hip-hop going? Still saying your little raps here and there?"
"You condescending prick of a blog. Actually, I've been spending much of my hiatus writing really, really fresh rhymes. The freshest ever actually. Plus, I got a show coming up this Thursday, Nov. 13th @ Public Assembly in Brooklyn, 70 N. 6 St., 9pm, with my crew, The Dugout, some other talented folks and none other than, wait for it...The Beatnuts! So take that! No, better yet, like Diddy - take that."
"First of all, few will get your obscure little Li'l Wayne reference. Second of all, The Beatnuts aren't exactly Outkast. I'm sure they're thrilled to be performing with you. Newsflash: you live in the Bronx, but you don't exactly loom as large as Big Pun did on the hip-hop scene."
"Why you tryin' to come at me like that? I mean, what the hell dude?"
"I'm sorry; I think I just have all this built up resentment because I know you've been posting notes on Facebook and blogging on MySpace while you've been away."
"It aint even like that, T.E.C. I haven't been goin' hard anywhere. Especially MySpace. Only thing I been writing is lesson plans."
"Well, if you say so, I have no choice but to believe you. Just prove it by coming around more often."
"Ok, but, um, you sound an awful lot like a woman scorned. I know you're a blog and you don't have a gender, but I always considered you to be male, so this is starting to seem kinda gay. I'ma holla @ you tomorrow, ok?"

Random thoughts - Michelle Obama can get it. You know what "it" means. It means my penis. Not in a derogatoy way. I mean I'd have sex with her body...Does this mean we never again have to see Sarah Palin?...Is Gwen Stefani's baby really named Zuma? C'mon, this is getting ridiculous...No, I didn't hear Jay-Z is contemplating a run for mayor. I won't even entertain such b.s....Rachel McAdams is hot. Especially with red hair...Ciara is killin' 'em in that new joint, talkin' bout "I'm the energizer playboy bunny..." Giiiiirl! Stop playin'! Don't make look for you!...Brewers hired Willie Randolph as bench coach. It's a step back to managing I guess...My birthday is approaching, and I'm feeling more Scorpian-like than ever. I'm having FUN dude. Really.

Leo Dicaprio told Zac Efron he can have the teen idol title. Leo never wanted it to begin with. Leo said "I look at young Zac Efron and think, 'Go get it pal, leave me in peace,'" Leonardo told Fox. "I was never happy with the teen idol tag at all -- wanted to be a sex symbol or all that stuff -- it was the work that appealed to me. Really, nothing else."
Leo also said he had "total respect for how young stars like Zac handle it all. Really, total respect."

Electrifying conclusion: First of all, what made Leo think he still had that title. I don't buy little teen magazines and all that, but I'm pretty sure that even though he probably still gets a lion's share of quim, teen idol is a title that changes rapidly. There had to have been quite a few title reigns in between "Titanic" which came out when I was in high school, and "High School Musical." Second of all, it all seems kinda gay to me. "It all" meaning Zac Efron. I believed it when the tabloids used to report the exploits of Leo's "pussy posse" (which included Q-Tip, David Blaine, and Lukas Hass, and Tobey Maguire). But Zac could hang out with Ron Jeremy, Jack Nicholson, Joe Bellz, and Kevin Carr and I still wouldn't think he was after pussy. Just sayin'.

Random thought: I was watching a televangelist today and thought, "I could be a preacher if I was less sinful and enjoyed talking to people."

T.I. is hurtin' 'em. Peep this: "T.I. again succeeds himself at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 as "Live Your Life" featuring Rihanna, trades places 2-1 with "Whatever You Like." On Oct. 9, "Life" replaced "Like," making T.I. the ninth artist in the rock era to do this." - The top debut of the week is a Jaime Foxx song featuring who else? T.I. Over a month in, his album (which did 1/2 a million in it's first week) is still top ten and headed for platinum by Christmas or sooner, most likely. Plus, his lyrical game gets tighter with each album.
Electrifying conclusion: Tip aint quite ready to concede the "Best Rapper Alive" or "King of the South" titles to Li'l Wayne just yet. He's building up quite the case before he enters prison. You can argue that on "Swagga Like Us" he had the best verse, matched against arguably the 3 best rappers in the game. Well done sir, well done.

So a lot of very influental folk (Ellen DeGeneres, Brad Pitt, Barbra Streisand, Melissa Etheridge, Steven Spielberg, Samuel L. Jackson, etc.) have put their influence behind the push to stop Proposition 8, which will overturn the rights to gay marriage in California if approved. Apparently, some were angry that longtime gay-friendly Madonna didn't do enough to help balance the scales. At her concert last night (where the big news was her bringing Britney and Justin together on the same stage {can you believe it! omg! that's too much fabulousness and gayness to handle in one building, let alone one stage!}) Madge said , "I am very sad to hear we didn't win Proposition 8. But we will not give up the fight. No, we will not. Never! If we got an African-American in the White House, we can have gay marriages." But one concertgoer said, "Too little, too late, Madge. Where was your money and influence before the vote?"
Electrifying conclusion: I guess a gay President would be the ultimate barrier-breaker, huh? It's like, "Fuck, we got a black in there, can it really be that hard to turn the White House into the Pink House?!" That concertgoer shouldn't have shit to say. If you don't like how Madge is spending her dough, then don't pay the hundreds of dollars I'm sure you paid to go see her live. Moron.
I'm StarPower, and I'm back to approving messages.