Fool Me Three Times and I Must Be Halle Berry or A Scott Hall Fan

Apparently, Halle Berry is single. Again. And the world wants to know who she's going to end up disappointed by next. After an abusive baseball player (whose last name is Justice, haha!), a sex-addicted singer (nowadays, it really is acceptable to call wanting to smash, and then smashing, every hot chick who allows you to "sex-addiction;" GOTTA love our culture of little-to-no-accountability) , and a male model looking for a come up, Halle is back like Dip Set. And I'm expecting the results to be just as tragic.

Electrifying conclusion: She may be the most beautiful woman the world can ever remember seeing. But that doesn't make her smart, or even a good actress (her "Monster's Ball" performance was terrible and I can't remember ever being impacted by a performance of hers, although she plays an excellent "scared b-tch"). She's the ultimate tragic mulatto. C'mon, you dated a star athlete, an r&b crooner, and an underwear model. Talk about asking to be stepped on. Maybe try a black dude this time, Halle? Like, an actual black dude, not these halfricans you seem to enjoy. At least you have a reason not to be surprised when it goes sour - everyone expects a nigga to fuck up eventually! Or you can pull a LeBron and totally fuck the game up by...getting with another woman. Another beautiful famous woman who's been wronged time and time again, like Jennifer Aniston. I know she's straight but we can work out the details while we film the sex tape.

Yo, they found a unicorn deer. I would assume an animal that can grow a horn out of the middle of it's head is a fucking evil demon, not a a mythical creature, but that's just me I guess.

I hate those 30-second "Cover Girl" and "Geico" commercials I have to wait through while I try to get my nature video on.

In other "Light-Skinned Middle-Aged Black People Who Are Still Living Well Off Of Past Fame" news, Prince stupidly declares the internet to be "over." He isn't releasing his latest mediocre album for digital download.


Electrifying conclusion: Let's love (that's my new shit, btw - "let's love") this article that kindly shits on him by giving us MAD examples of why the internet is mad NOT over. He's a jackass (say it like Obama dissing Kanye).

Non-wrestling fans probably didn't get the Scott Hall reference in the title. He's a wrestler who keeps getting comeback chances even though he always fucks them up because he's a horrible person when he gets drunk, which apparently happens a lot, but he also happens to be one of the most gifted (and well-connected) performers the industry has ever seen. I missed his heyday, so I take everyone's word for it.

This guy though, been a thorn in America's side since before the Kennedy Administration (!) and he still aint dead. Don't be surprised if he outlasts Obama. And don't be surprised by the fact that I don't know, or care to look up, who was president before Kennedy (Eisenhower?).

I was gonna write more in-depth about speed dating and analyze this "Cosmo"-esque article on the subject until I realized that speed dating is bullshit because it's missing the one element that would seal the deal much quicker and make for a much greater percentage of successful (and at the very least, short-term) relationships - sex. Let them talk for 3 1/2 minutes, fuck for 1, and debrief for 30 seconds. Only takes about 3 minutes to know if the person intrigues you, and if you can get the chick off (or something close to it) in a minute or less, you should be good to go. The last 30 seconds would feature the chick telling the dude "who her daddy is" if it was good or even watching the guy do the "beat it up right" dance; if it was bad, the chick can feel ashamed and the guy can nap for 30 seconds (you KNOW the guy is gonna make sure HE gets off within that minute). Win-win for all involved, no?

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.