Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Got It! Hef Should Holla At 'The Situation' About Making A Song For Playboy, No? WWW.Can'tLose.Com

Playboy Enterprises is going public. You KNOW that brand is struggling in this modern world of internet porn, where you can service ANY fetish in a FREE and plentiful manner with very little effort. What has Playboy done to adapt? Unless Hef can pioneer a breakthrough in virtual f-cking (pardon the graphic language, but f-ck that upscale sh-t; he's gonna have to provide the rawness - quite literally - if he wants to make his brand relevant again in this climate of desensitized instant gratification), AND damn-near monopolize it, I don't see that company meaning much from here on out.

Electrifying conclusion: If you ask me, it all went downhill once Scott Baio started f-cking all the playmates, leading to his eventual ban from the Playboy mansion. You can't let Charles be in charge of everything now, can you? Anyway, I know I just talked a lotta sh-t about the brand, but how much stock do you think I would have to buy to advertise my new record in it? Or to have a coupla Playmates on my album cover? I'm gonna look into that.

I really hope you clicked on that Scott Baio link. Dude was a monster, lol.

Yo, did you see the shots John Daly missed yesterday. Ugh! Heartbreaking. Eventually he's gonna falter at St. Andrews, but that record-breaking score he would've pulled out of his ass in the first round might've change the game. Plus it would've just been so kick-ass to see him shoot a f-cking 59 , at his age, after all he's done. And not done, lol. I'm a big fan man. Shoutout to fuck-ups who can still produce miracles every now and then.

Yes, I know I'm late. And that's because I've just decided to care. Urkel's wild! (And he's definitely lookin' like Stefan UrKEL in this pic). They arrested him on domestic violence charges that sound very real to me, even though the chick f-cked up her credibility by waiting so long to file. Whatever.

Electrifying conclusion: I used to LOVE how Stefan UrKEL dressed. Get one of those suits he used to rock and Johnny Gill's hairstylist, and nobody could tell you a thing in the early 90s, my dude. But yeah, he was wild for the night. You can't go punching b-tches in their titty implants, but as far as pushing her into the toilet, I've been there. Somewhat. It was a bathtub. And I guess I'm not proud of it. I would explain further, but what's the shelf-life on this type of thing? There's a good chance she'll read this (we're friends now), but is that "opening up old wounds"-status right there? I don't know.

Dear Eminem and Drake,

Stop singin' so many of your own hooks. And don't make another song together. The only thing worse than the hype involving anything you guys do, is the hype involving anything you guys do together and the anticlimactic nature of the collaboration. However, you BOTH make GREAT songs with Li'l Wayne. Wonder why.


Who do they keep changing the actors who play "The Incredible Hulk?" It's like what happened to the "Batman" films before Bale took hold of the role, except, no one ever really cared much about these "Hulk" films. They just don't resonate for some reason. Maybe a black "Hulk" would be fresh. Just throwin' that out there. On some Ving Rhames sh-t, nahmean?

I'm a fan of this "The Situation" dude. He's kinda awesome. I had know idea he was making records because I've never seen "Jersey Shore" but I do know that there's someone awesome enough to call himself "The Situation" and that a girl named "Snookie" got knocked out at a bar, and it was tragically funny.

Electrifying conclusion:
He made a rap song, so you know that he actually has no talent because every semi-celebrity who can't do anything else tries rapping as a means of getting a little more shine, but it never works. And he's frontin' about how he was gonna be on the "Jersey Shore Soundtrack," but he was "off the grid." Pseudo-celebs like him are never off the grid intentionally. The song is fast, overproduced and features Fatman Scoop, all the better to hide his lack of talent behind a transparent wall of obnoxiousness. That being said, his overwhelming doucheness carries the song and I don't hate it.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

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