Wednesday, July 28, 2010

"Greatest Trickery" & The Lauryn Hill Myth

Lauryn Hill has been fooling the world for the past 15 years.

She helps sustain the "greatest trick-ery," as first described by Verbal Kint in "Usual Suspects," but jargonized by StarPower & Mercury during numerous rant sessions. Referring to the ghastly gangster Keyser Soze, Kint states, "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist." So the template goes, "The greatest trick ('A'- conniving trickster) ever pulled was convincing ('B' - unknowing victim{s}) believe ('A' did something 'A' really didn't, but is widely creditd with)." The greatest trick Lauryn Hill ever pulled was making music fans believe she was great at anything besides creating enough mystique to get people to make her seem more talented than she actually is. Yes the album was dope. But it was just that - "the" album. One. Something has to be said for an artist actually, you know, creating art. It wasn't the greatest any kind of album of all time, she had EXTREMELY talented collaborators who bought into her b.s. (that mystique!), AND I believe the rumors that she takes credit for work she didn't do AT ALL b/c I know someone she tried to rip off, and because I want to.

Yet millions of Pan-African Pams & Rootsy Ricks will forever let her legend live off of that one trick and I guess "The Score," which was just as dope and guided by the talents of the man, her ex, who probably was the original dred who really sent her psyche into warp drive. How many dope collabs has she done in the past decade? C'mon man, an artist has to create. What has she done that has set any trends or broke any ground since? How often do you even hear her standing up about any issues? Mentoring anyone? Communicating with her "fan base?" Who is this lady?!

I swear, I credit her with "greatest trickery" only approached by maybe Eminem's media machine (who took some very funny shots at her early on) convincing the urban fan that he doesn't make the WHITEST music in the world. Dude; this guy dresses like Bono now, sings god-awful contrived triumph melodies all the time, makes mediocre stadium songs, and pulled off your standard white artist "I'm outta control, I'm not, I am, I'm getting arrested, I'm on drugs, music is my therapy, I wanted to kill myself, I'm back to being who I never was" charade that was even more predictable than his duet partner Rhianna's "homely hottie to I'm not a whore but I play one on tv" transformation. And you know what? I ain't mad. He hustled. some called it from day one, some didn't, but let's take a sec to acknowledge it. Plus, he's VERY talented AND...HE MAKES COCKSUCKING SONGS, for goodness sakes. Hill appears at "I'm Cool Because I Know About And Attend This" Music Festival, gets a mic and a guitar (which she needs to stop doing in honor of women who REALLY get it in on some singer-songwriter-instrumentalist shit like the infinitely more talented Teena Marie), says some sad shit and her bumfuckery is not only accepted, it's applauded!

Dude, unless she comes back with a much more humble aura and a GOOD SONG, I'll be as excited about her return as a teacher is about the return of the school year in September. Fuck Lauryn Hill, I got a whole generation of kids to Miseducate. I'd rather listen to a Sean Kingston song. Featuring Sanjaya. With Plies on the hook. Produced by David Guetta. Remixed by Dr. Luke. Restarted 7 times bc Flex keeps dropping bombs on it. Ok I've crossed the line from critical to insulting. My bad. I've jammed to more than a few Guetta tunes in the past year or so. Whatever, gonna go eat some breakfast and workout to some Bieb. You Lauryn Hill fans stay miseducated, will ya?! *simultaneously snapping my fingers, winking, and shooting my fingers at all of you*

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

1 comment:

FishNSpisgetti said...

**kisses teeth** you're just a hater man.