Lifes All About Making The Right Choices, Even For Celebrities

Seems like things have went downhill, music-wise, for Fitty ever since he challenged Kanye to 9/11 hip-hop supremacy last year, huh? I mean, dude is still worth a cool quarter-billion and rising, but he's just not putting out the hits anymore. That "Get Up" joint is not making many folks want to do such a thing at all, and with a new 'Ye album led by 2 monster singles ("Love Lockdown" and "Heartless") as well as albums from Jay, Luda, Beyonce, and other 4th quarter heros on the horizon, Fifth's label thought it better to push his album into 2009. Check it - http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003891313.

Electrifying conclusion: No matter what he might get on the radio and/or internet and say, don't let him fool ya into thinking "Before I Self Destruct" was pushed back for any reason other than niggas aint checkin' for him right now. Doesn't mean he's washed; 50 could drop a hot joint right now and I'll dedicate my next blog to him. But his last few singles have paled in comparison to the monsters he was unleashing in previous years. This is a very real example of corny songs being reflected in an artist's weak sales. He'll do a nice number, as always, and kill 'em overseas, but no more of that 800,000 to 1,000,000. Nope. And don't blame the sales climate. We're seeing from artists like Wayne, AC/DC, Coldplay, and others that those huge weeks still exist (at least in the first week) for artists who make dope music.

My wife wants to believe that he's only doing it for publicity because my wife finds him cute, thus doesn't want to see him do anything that will make him less attractive in her eyes. Women are weird like that. Actions can make a guy less appealing to them. Whatever. I don't wanna believe it because I don't wanna see him go out like that. I wanna believe he's only doing it to keep milking that fine heiffer's tits without buying the cow for a li'l bit longer, until he gets tired of her and finds a real white girl to fuck with. You know, one that doesn't exclusively fuck with black guys. 'Cause those are the authentic ones. Somebody needs to tell Reggie that a blond, debutante, Taylor Swift lovin', daughter of the revolution comes with the contract. You don't wife Kim maaan! Look at Kim - she was built to be a jumpoff! This is what I'm talking about, by the way - http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx/?news=339789&GT1=BUZZ3

Electrifying conclusion: Like that fountain of wisdom Camron Giles said a decade ago, "You the type of cat wanna marry your lover/ Go to the end of earth for her, like Mario's brother..." These niggas nowadays kill me with their thoughts of proposals and engagements, and marriages, and the like. What happened to being a playa for life?! And it's not that someone has fucked his girl before. I mean, who among us, with any sense of decency, has wifed a virgin after turning 21 years old? Not many. Its that someone named Ray J (who I fux with, which should make it all the more intolerable) has his girl sucking all types of schlong and taking all types of cock in her slit on camera. For the world to see. You just know mad athlete/rapper/singer/actor cocks have become acquainted with Kim's quim. And something made Reggie say, "That's the vagina I want to spend the rest of my life with." *Sigh* For him to make up for this, he's gonna have to be, like, the first nigga to get at Malia Ann Obama when her pops leaves office in 2016 and she becomes legal and a bit more accessible. (Too much? Damn, I guess this is where the Men in Black shut my whole internet game down. Oh well, I had fun!)

Random thoughts: New York teams are improving my quality of life! After a huge baseball letdown, the Giants, Jets, and Knicks are giving us something to look forward to this winter. Don't break my heart, Knicks! Brett, sorry I doubted you!...Does Seal have a new joint out?...Make me see a James Bond movie... I aint know Wanda Sykes was gay, but I can see it, I guess - http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx/?news=339709&GT1=28103..... Make me care about Jen Aniston's beef with Angelina Jolie...I'm crushed about the fact that "True Blood" only has 3 episodes left (or is it 2?). Where the hell is "Tell Me You Love Me," by the way?...My birthday is Wednesday (right?). Still in my 20s. Barely. Still loving every moment. Living the dream people. Living the dream.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

p.s. btw, as far as the show last Thursday, to quote Li'l Wayne, "And sho' enuff, we did exactly what I said!"

Like Monica Asked, I Aint Take It Personal, It Was Just One Of Those Days

After lunch, the kids were hype and the usual childish nonsense ensued, but at least they were hype to play Social Studies Jeopardy in preparation of the big test on Wednesday and Thursday. I steered clear of adults, so we avoided any incidents that would have turned this blog into "The Dope Show, Revisited" (that's a throwback for the folks who've been following me since a coupla years back on the MySpace blog). Anywho, at the risk of making this blog too much about me and not enough about the famous and infamous people I judge, let me just let you know about this cool show I have coming up (yes, I'm still a rapper, a pretty good one at that - this show marks the re-establishment of my position and return to form as a writer, rapper, and performer, as long as we don't get the shitty mics, aren't cut off halfway through out set, and I don't get that weird dry-mouth thing I started getting after they put a crown on one of my teet a year or 2 back; ugh, that was a killer @ the SUNY-Purchase show).

11/13/2008 9:00 PM - Public Assemebly
70 North 6th St. Brooklyn, New York 11211

Cost:$ 10

Description: On a bill headed by the legendary BEATNUTS, my crew, The Dugout, makes a triumphant return to reclaim our title as the best, most unique, most versatile up-and-coming rap group after a brief educational hiatus! Also with K Salaam, Tsi LaBrev, Tone Tank of The Nuclear Family, The Dugout Crew, and Jah C. Special guests: DJ Kunal Merchant, Precision Dance NYC, Chry Baby Cozie of The Breakfast Club and Trends of VH1’s I love New York . 2 for 1 redbull vodkas for the first hour.

Some Days Start Better Than Others

Hey folks, this is my first time writing from my new gig as 5th Grade Special Education teacher in my beloved adopted borough, The Bronx. This blog originated out of the frustration and boredom I suffered at my previous job as Attendance Improvement/Dropout Prevention coordinator at a high school in the great borough of Brooklyn. Anyway, today finds me keeping my perspective and my smile even though it's only 10 am, and so far I've been met with the following obstacles:

- A broken passenger window on my Jeep. Fools aint take a damn thing b/c the radio isn't removable. They left me with nothing but shattered glass. Knew it would happen sooner or later b/c they do this to cars quite often. We park under a bridge by 87. By our building, the last building on Sedgwick Avenue. The only thing close to it is...a police precint. Go figure. I'm thinking it's an inside job, to get us to pay for a parking spot in our gentrified, overpriced apartment building. It might work. I'll let you know.
- A moody school secretary. Is there any other kind? I'm giving in my direct deposit information, and she's like, "Put it in my mailbox," which is a conditioned response to everything anyone asks her. After taking 10 seconds to not find her mailbox, I left in on her desk. Politely. Not wanting to help me will only make me ask for more help, for some reason.
- A p.a. system that gives me announcements for the other school in my building instead of mine. So I get useless interruptions instead of useful information. I go to the aformentioned school secretary for help, and I get a nice "Put it (the custodial request form) in his mailbox." But I was a step ahead. I filled out two. One for his mailbox (I've called, left it in the office, talked to a janitor, and talked to the principal), and one for her desk. After explaining my plight, not so nicely, all she could say was, "Oh, ok." They've had enough halo from Mr. Collins here. Time for the horns.
I'm sure my day will turn. I'll update you later.

Bet you didn't think about this when signing up for Facebook, high-schoolers: Colleges are looking at your pages to make judegements about you. Don't be too upset. I've judged folks by far less. Anyway, this is what I read on MSN.com: "The Wall Street Journal's September 16 edition featured an article titled "College Applicant, Beware: Your Facebook Page is Showing" that, with the help of a survey by Kaplan, finally confirmed the truth -- people, all kinds of people, are interested in an individual's cyber self. This new survey included feedback from 320 selective schools, of which 10 percent use social-networking sites to evaluate applicants, a fair amount of whom admit to being negatively influenced by what they find."

The Electrifying conclusion: You know you gotta change that AIM name. Because it's right there on your page, and the adjective that's in front of your nickname may reveal what kind of drunken, whorish things you're gonna do once you're in collge, but you gotta get in first. You might wanna do like I did when I interviewed for my job by covering my Black Supremacy tats, then exposing them to my principal right after I got hired. In other words, front for what you want, and when you get in, go in, so to speak. Those privacy settings are too easy to get around. Also, you may wanna evaluate your "Wall," (especially if you're my friend) you "Gifts," (I see too many thongs) and other applications.

Dear Roy Jones Jr.,

I understand, for the most part. I'm not upset, for the most part. You are 39, you were the older man. Yeah, Joe Calzaghe is 36 himself, but I can only imagine what can happen to an athlete's body in the span of 3 years, especially in your late 30s. Roy, you didn't belong in that ring last night. In your prime, you woulda put him away twice as bad as he did you last night. But you aren't in your prime, and you were just the last notch Joe needed on his belt before he could retire. I also know that you both made a pretty penny last night, so that was also motivation. Again, I understand, for the most part. But was it worth the humiliation? You looked good in the first 2 rounds, but anyone who knows just a little bit about boxing knew that there was no way you'd look like that for the next 10. Not after what we've seen from you the past few years. Please don't get in the ring with B-Hop, Roy. That might be the last fight that people care about, but shouldn't, meaning if the dollars add up, it still might happen, no matter what you've been saying for years. Hang 'em up, Roy. I'm not ever mad at an athlete going past his/her prime. Who knows? There may be a comeback left, and we love those more than anything. But it's clear that you are done. Which isn't bad; everyone is done at some point. You were one of the greatest Roy. Period. I'd even take your career over Joe's. No one did it like you did it. But answer me this Roy: Why didn't you take at least one swing at Joe all those times he dropped his hands and stuck his head out in front of you? I know you probably couldn't see out of your left eye, but still. Why Roy, why? Because if this is the end, you fought valiantly, for the most part. But you did not go down swinging. You got your ass kicked, for the most part.

Tell Joe that although he got you and B-Hop on his resume, he didn't get the real version of either of you. He didn't have to taunt you. He only did that because that's the only way he felt like he could get a piece of the real Roy. You had good reason to never go overseas to fight in your prime. But he was scared to cross the pond, Roy. Scared. And yes, he's great, and he (maybe) retires undefeated, untied, but he never really went to war. And though I take my hat off to Joe the Boxer, we salute warriors 'round these parts. Warriors like you Roy. Now put away your armor and move on Roy. We won't forget -

"Y'all Must've Forgot" by Roy Jones, Jr.

No More Electric Relaxation

"Welcome back, StarPower!" said T.E.C.

"Glad to be back!" I said.

"So I know you said you'd come back when you cleared your head a bit, enough to focus on people other than yourself. Are you in that place now?"

"I think I am, homey. I think I am."

"Back to judging celebrities, quantifying every and anyone's artistic output, deriding trends, and generally keeping folks abreast on what's important out there in the cultural landscape?"

"Spoken like a true blog, T.E.C. Yes, I am back. For real this time. I've been feeling extra spicey lately; high time I came back to my kitchen and dished out some sustenance to my people."

"Good shit. You know we got a new President, right? And he's a brother!"

"Yeah man, Barack Obama."

"How you feelin' about that?"

"I feel like I didn't help put him in office."

"What?"

"You see, I found out I had 'inactive' voter status a day before the election. Did some research and figured I'd be able to take care of it on Election Day and go help make history. Found out it was something I should have taken care of months before and something not so easy to figure out the day of. Long story short, my wife voted for both of us."

"I know your wife does everything for you, but voting is one thing she can't do for you. One person, one vote."

"Whatever, you know-it-all blog. The nigga won, didn't he? That's what's important. He aint need my vote."

"If everyone thought like you, he wouldn't have won. You would've been tight if he lost by 1 vote, wouldn't you have? They put those obstacles in place for people like you; white people will find a way, blacks like you need to be more proactive."

"Fuck you mean "blacks like me?! Racist-ass blog!"

"How the fuck can I be racist?! I'm a blog, I'm whatever color you made me."

"Your ass is gonna be clear, meaning non-existent, if you don't stop fuckin' wit' me!"

"You probably thought that was clever. That wasn't even clever. Not at all. Not funny, not clever. Guess that's what happens when you haven't been writing for a while. Use it or lose it, pal. By the way, how's the hip-hop going? Still saying your little raps here and there?"

"You condescending prick of a blog. Actually, I've been spending much of my hiatus writing really, really fresh rhymes. The freshest ever actually. Plus, I got a show coming up this Thursday, Nov. 13th @ Public Assembly in Brooklyn, 70 N. 6 St., 9pm, with my crew, The Dugout, some other talented folks and none other than, wait for it...The Beatnuts! So take that! No, better yet, like Diddy - take that."

"First of all, few will get your obscure little Li'l Wayne reference. Second of all, The Beatnuts aren't exactly Outkast. I'm sure they're thrilled to be performing with you. Newsflash: you live in the Bronx, but you don't exactly loom as large as Big Pun did on the hip-hop scene."

"Why you tryin' to come at me like that? I mean, what the hell dude?"

"I'm sorry; I think I just have all this built up resentment because I know you've been posting notes on Facebook and blogging on MySpace while you've been away."

"It aint even like that, T.E.C. I haven't been goin' hard anywhere. Especially MySpace. Only thing I been writing is lesson plans."

"Well, if you say so, I have no choice but to believe you. Just prove it by coming around more often."

"Ok, but, um, you sound an awful lot like a woman scorned. I know you're a blog and you don't have a gender, but I always considered you to be male, so this is starting to seem kinda gay. I'ma holla @ you tomorrow, ok?"

"Cool."

Random thoughts - Michelle Obama can get it. You know what "it" means. It means my penis. Not in a derogatoy way. I mean I'd have sex with her body...Does this mean we never again have to see Sarah Palin?...Is Gwen Stefani's baby really named Zuma? C'mon, this is getting ridiculous...No, I didn't hear Jay-Z is contemplating a run for mayor. I won't even entertain such b.s....Rachel McAdams is hot. Especially with red hair...Ciara is killin' 'em in that new joint, talkin' bout "I'm the energizer playboy bunny..." Giiiiirl! Stop playin'! Don't make look for you!...Brewers hired Willie Randolph as bench coach. It's a step back to managing I guess...My birthday is approaching, and I'm feeling more Scorpian-like than ever. I'm having FUN dude. Really.

Leo Dicaprio told Zac Efron he can have the teen idol title. Leo never wanted it to begin with. Leo said "I look at young Zac Efron and think, 'Go get it pal, leave me in peace,'" Leonardo told Fox. "I was never happy with the teen idol tag at all -- wanted to be a sex symbol or all that stuff -- it was the work that appealed to me. Really, nothing else."
Leo also said he had "total respect for how young stars like Zac handle it all. Really, total respect."

Electrifying conclusion: First of all, what made Leo think he still had that title. I don't buy little teen magazines and all that, but I'm pretty sure that even though he probably still gets a lion's share of quim, teen idol is a title that changes rapidly. There had to have been quite a few title reigns in between "Titanic" which came out when I was in high school, and "High School Musical." Second of all, it all seems kinda gay to me. "It all" meaning Zac Efron. I believed it when the tabloids used to report the exploits of Leo's "pussy posse" (which included Q-Tip, David Blaine, and Lukas Hass, and Tobey Maguire). But Zac could hang out with Ron Jeremy, Jack Nicholson, Joe Bellz, and Kevin Carr and I still wouldn't think he was after pussy. Just sayin'.

Random thought: I was watching a televangelist today and thought, "I could be a preacher if I was less sinful and enjoyed talking to people."

T.I. is hurtin' 'em. Peep this: "T.I. again succeeds himself at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 as "Live Your Life" featuring Rihanna, trades places 2-1 with "Whatever You Like." On Oct. 9, "Life" replaced "Like," making T.I. the ninth artist in the rock era to do this." - Billboard.com. The top debut of the week is a Jaime Foxx song featuring who else? T.I. Over a month in, his album (which did 1/2 a million in it's first week) is still top ten and headed for platinum by Christmas or sooner, most likely. Plus, his lyrical game gets tighter with each album.

Electrifying conclusion: Tip aint quite ready to concede the "Best Rapper Alive" or "King of the South" titles to Li'l Wayne just yet. He's building up quite the case before he enters prison. You can argue that on "Swagga Like Us" he had the best verse, matched against arguably the 3 best rappers in the game. Well done sir, well done.

So a lot of very influental folk (Ellen DeGeneres, Brad Pitt, Barbra Streisand, Melissa Etheridge, Steven Spielberg, Samuel L. Jackson, etc.) have put their influence behind the push to stop Proposition 8, which will overturn the rights to gay marriage in California if approved. Apparently, some were angry that longtime gay-friendly Madonna didn't do enough to help balance the scales. At her concert last night (where the big news was her bringing Britney and Justin together on the same stage {can you believe it! omg! that's too much fabulousness and gayness to handle in one building, let alone one stage!}) Madge said , "I am very sad to hear we didn't win Proposition 8. But we will not give up the fight. No, we will not. Never! If we got an African-American in the White House, we can have gay marriages." But one concertgoer said, "Too little, too late, Madge. Where was your money and influence before the vote?"

Electrifying conclusion: I guess a gay President would be the ultimate barrier-breaker, huh? It's like, "Fuck, we got a black in there, can it really be that hard to turn the White House into the Pink House?!" That concertgoer shouldn't have shit to say. If you don't like how Madge is spending her dough, then don't pay the hundreds of dollars I'm sure you paid to go see her live. Moron.

I'm StarPower, and I'm back to approving messages.

Electrifying Conclusion 9/16

Hey there. Sarah Palin, blah blah blah. Plummeting stock market blah blah blah. What else should I be blogging about just because the new tells me it's important? Oh yeah, Hurricane (insert name) blah blah blah. Ok, that was insenstive. But this blog is about what I am actually interested in, and not what important things I'm too ignorant to care enough about. Right now, as far as music goes, I care about "The Carter III," ("I tell my girl 'when you fuck me better fuck me good'/'Cause if another girl could she gon fuck me good'") and that Kanye performance on the MTV Video Awards. As far as news, I care about this MS-13 perpertrated atrocity in Newark (remember when this shit happened?) - http://news.aol.com/article/6-indicted-in-newark-schoolyard-killings/174412. As far as sports, I'm praying that the Mets bullpen doesn't make them miss the playoffs again, even though I know that if they do make it in, the bullpen will stop them from going deep. As far as celebs, I care about everything Megan Fox (I knew she was hot, but damn, seen her in the new Maxim?), although I think this is a bullshit, made up story, which makes her wacker in my eyes - http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx/?news=330845&GT1=BUZZ2. As far as politics, I'd rather get my fix from "Doonesbury" than from Fox, CNN, or MSNBC. As far as you, the reader, I care about the fact that you have been conclusion-less for way too long. Like the Staple Singers said, let's do it again.

Now this, this is important. Quilted Northern has come up with the first 3-ply toilet paper (them other folks have been lying, I guess, when touting their triple-ply). The AP says:

Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.
The new product will be launched Monday.

"Industry analyst" Bill Schmitz is skeptical, saying that the extra ply can't possibly make it softer, just stronger. He's accusing Q. N. of adding performance-enhancers (extra fibers) to their product.

Electrifying conclusion: Bill's a hater...How in the fuck does one become a toilet paper industry analyst or researcher? That's in the pool of jobs reserved for white people. I swear there are like 894 jobs that only white people know about and are able to apply for. I woulda majored in toilet paperology if I knew that an industry analyst job awaited me after school. But no one told me about this. I'm gonna kidnap and torture each of my white friends one by one, until someone gives up some info on this list of jobs...The product is being marketed mainly "to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time." Old brawds w/leaky bowels, basically. Well, I want a piece of the action too. I enjoy quality time on the throne also, and if 3 ply will help me stave off hemmorhoids for a few more years, then I'm all over it. No pun intended. Ok, yeah, pun was intended.

What the fuck? Nate Dogg has had a 2nd (!) stroke? - http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1594917/20080916/nate_dogg.jhtml

50 Cent is getting real corny, peep how he's still trying to live off of Kanye -http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1594781/20080915/50_cent.jhtml, but he does get money. Forbes says he was hip-hop's highest paid celeb, raking in $150 million. Jay-Z was second with $82 million. Fifth had clothes, movies, video games, album sales, and of course, Vitamin Water filling his coiffers. And apparently, this deal may push him into the stratosphere - http://www.forbes.com/home/2008/08/15/music-50cent-hiphop-biz-media-cz_zog_0818fifty.html

Electrifying conclusion: 'But StarPower, why do you care? You aint seein' none of it.' Shut it fucko. I applaud their abilities to generate massive amounts of currency, just as evil crackers have for many years. 'Bout time evil niggas get in on the action too.

Shia LaBeouf is an overrated human being. Missy Elliot is annoying as all hell. No one ended up caring about the DeNiro-Pacino movie. Jordin Sparks sounded like an irritating young chick on the awards show. Keri Hilson is maaad sexy in her new video, but the song is wack. Women cheat just like men do. Some invited guests skipped my wedding. Krayola sent me a very dope pamphlet. TRL is over - http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx/?news=330804. I once made a great song about terrorizing the TRL studio. The story of my life - while I aspire to be great, I tire because of the wait (weight). Still truckin' though.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

The Black Flash, The Imaginary Vanishing Lead, & Expanding Taste Buds

You tellin' me this cat's name is actually Bolt? C'mon?! That's some made for tv shit! Then again, I always say that real life is more tv ready than anything scripted. Kudos to Usain (this guy has a lock on great monikers), you sir are a champion in their eyes. And mine. I'm a fanatic for outrageous sporting displays, and though Bolt's feat is being properly recognized, it's possible that it"s not yet being put in proper historical context. First of all, he's just about to turn 22 years old. 22 human years old. He probably has better days ahead of him. Inhuman. Better days than a 9.69 100 meters, faster than anyone actually gave humanity the credit of even being able to run. You see, he had no measurable wind behind him, which is uncommon for an outdoor sprint, and shut down to celebrate with 20 meters to go. Meaning, he could possibly put up something in the 9.45-9.50 range under ideal conditions and focus. This guy is like a Jamaican Neo. He's escaped from some sort of physical/mental reality that bounds most of the world. And the 100 isn't even his speciality, he just started that. Some think the 400 is his race. His 200 time is even more remarkable, because when Michael Johnson set that mark, he obliterated it with a time that seemed unapproachable. Bolt approached it and surpassed it. His size (6'5") is supposed to work against him, but he's turned it into an advantage, somehow beginning his next stride seemingly before he's finished the first. And he hasn't even refined his technique.

Electrifying conclusion: Bolt has already provided it. There have of course been performance enhancement allegations. Always a possibility I say, but as it stands, this is some 100 points in a game, 2 straight no-hitters, Grand Slam in one year, 7 straight Tour de Frances, Triple Crown type shit. I'm not saying Bolt's records are unbreakable, because he probably represents an evolution. We sometimes see people do some things a little ahead of schedule. I think Ato Boldon phrased it best, referring to Bolt, he said "Swimming has their Lazr suits and their deeper pools," he said. "We have a 6-foot-5 inch guy that's running 9.6s and beating the rest of the Olympic field by two tenths of a second. He's our new technology."

So I just read an article saying that McCain jumped ahead of Obama among likely voters, primarily because he's been on the offensive, and folks think he'll be a better manager of the economy. A few minutes later, I see that Obama's lead has been cut in half; it still isn't a dead heat, but he has some worrying to do. In that particular poll, Obama's lead is attributed to McCain being seen as a potentially weak manager of the economy. Both of these polls were splashed on the MSN homepage. I know not to take such things as gospel, but I know too many people who will argue you down based on such information. Polling of 1,764 likely voters. Not too scientific if you ask me. I know I'm not the first to make such an argument, and I'm sure there's a counter-argument I'm not enlightened enough to be aware of. Apparently, half of Hillary's backers won't vote for Obama. Wow. Who are they gonna vote for then, Johnny? I guess if they can't have Hillary, the status quo is the next best choice. Many voters don't believe in Obama's ability to handle foreign relations. So he went on a trip to a buncha foreign nations, giving McCain the opportunity to step front and center and hammer him every chance he got, making likely voters say "Obama's weak, he went overseas and got punked out." But, he went overseas to show y'all that he can do his foreign thang. That's what y'all wanted, yes/no? Listen, I'm stressing over planning my wedding (this Sat. 8/23), I can only imagine what planning a campaign is like. I don't see how that doesn't age you terribly. Obama looks great, and you know what? McCain's old as shit, but he's a feisty one. He has that Bush thing going as far as being a tough old white dude, assistant principal-type cat, who wasn't scared to bring all the hood niggas in his office and tell them what's what. I'm still ridin' w/Obama though on some 'CMB' shit ("we all we got!").

Electrifying conclusion: Y'all know I'm my brother's keeper, so I'm gonna vote for once and try to help a brother out. Obama needs to access just a little more of his blackness, just at certain moments, to let niggas know what's what. He said he fucks with Jay-Z, right? Jay needs to write some of his speeches. I could hear it now, both of them throwin' up the diamond saying, "It's the (ba)Rack!" (Ok, I know I'm not the first one to say that and think I was being clever/witty, and I'm actually tired of rappers trying to create marvelous wordplay with his name, what the fuck do you mean "I Barack with them Obamas?" That's nonsense. But dude got the kinda name that doesn't often hit the mainstream so I realize we gotta have as much fun with it as possible before hit just starts sounding common to us. I mean, we no longer find anything unusual about the name Snoop Doggy Dogg. Snoop Doggy Dogg?! That's preposterous. But we love him. Because he plays football with little kids. He's not a gang-banging Crip, no not at all. He's a Pop Warner coaching, reality show having, Justin Timberlake collabing, p-i-m-p. And we love him for it.) But yeah, Jay'll lace him - "I don't mean to boast, but damn if I don't brag/ Them crackers gon' act like I ain't on they ass." If Obama said that in a public form, I swear, I'd name my first child Barack or something close, like Billy. He would certainly never get elected to any public office ever again, but at least some guy somewhere whom he doesn't know would have a first born with a name somewhat like his. Or he could remix Jay's new joint, call it "Jockin' B. O." Since McCain's been comparing him to Paris Hilton and Britney and all that, he could hit him with that "Somebody shoulda told him I'm a fuckin rock star!" That would be a memorable day in black history.

Speaking of Hov, how y'all feelin' about the new joint (live version -recorded version) I felt like he was coasting, almost becoming a caricature of himself by rehashing the kinda shit that makes him Jay; the lyrics and sounds are minimal, but I kinda love it, it works. Then he said this: "I met honey at the show last year/ and now I'm acting brand new like a world premiere/ Yeah I know life ain't fair/ but chill babygirl, my girl is here!" Hilarious, and sly, when you think about who his girl is, and even though he's worth half-a-billy, hobnobbing with Chris Martin and Larry Bird, he's still "a nigga wit' a girl." Y'all know how that can get, right? Word.

Anyone know a good site where I can watch movies online? Gratis, of course.

Charles Barkley is gonna televise his colonoscopy - http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/8470928/?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002. Talk amongst yourselves.

Hey, guess what? I'm gonna have a 5th grade class this year. 12 kids and a para (it's a special ed class). Let the games begin!

Could Usain Bolt look more Jamaican?

So, humans have generally been known to detect 4 tastes - sweet, sour, bitter, and salty. Recently, "savory" has been added, and now scientists have discovered that mice can taste "calcium," and humans probably can too since us and mice have similar tongues. Calcium apparently tastes "calcium-y." Here's the article - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315648//wid/11915773?GT1=31036.

This just in, human male tongues apparently have the ability to detect a 7th taste - "vagina."

Judging by the last statement, I apparently have no taste!

I'm StarPower, and I approve his message.

A Funnier, Cooler Heaven Than It Was Just A Few Days Ago

R.I.P. Isaac Hayes. Chainlink vest wearin', bald-headed, muscular, shades, gold jewelry. There was cool, and then there was Isaac Hayes. I can only imagine the impact he must've had when he came to fame, looking and sounding different than his contemporaries. I'm not even gonna front like I have his albums and know a lot of his music, I know some, but I also know an ill individual when I see one, and Mr. Hayes obviously had charisma to spare. The man won Grammys, an Oscar, starred in movies, inspired countless rappers, and played the iconic "Chef" on an otherwise (in my opinion) overrated t.v. show. I stay on the path towards pursuing my full potential by remembering what men like him pushed themselves to achieve.

Electrifying conclusion: I can't stand these R.I.P. posts. My last 3 blogs have included mini-tributes to great entertainers. I don't get too sad b/c death is a part of life, but you always get the sense that unfinished business is being left in the world, but I guess that's also a part of life. I'm a fan of closure, and death isn't always closure. Isaac Hayes, ironically enough, had a film coming up co-starring, yup, Bernie Mac. One of my favorite Isaac Hayes performances was his role in "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka." Remember this funny shit?

Hey, if you call me and don't leave me a message, it's like you never called me. If you call me and your message says for me to "call you back," I won't call you back...I think I'm gonna write a song called "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." The world needs my take on that title...So, Brock Lesnar just might make it in MMA after all, huh?...Cheney said that Russia's aggression towards Georgia "must not go unanswered." Meaning, "Russia's fucking up our oil game out there, and we're prepared to lean on them, at the least, to restore order."

Scientist are bending light now, or some "Avatar" shit. This is the first step toward creating invisibility cloaks. Reuters says, "Scientists have created two new types of materials that can bend light the wrong way, creating the first step toward an invisibility cloaking device. One approach uses a type of fishnet of metal layers to reverse the direction of light, while another uses tiny silver wires, both at the nanoscale level.
Both are so-called metamaterials -- artificially engineered structures that have properties not seen in nature, such as negative refractive index. "In naturally occurring material, the index of refraction, a measure of how light bends in a medium, is positive," he said.
"When you see a fish in the water, the fish will appear to be in front of the position it really is. Or if you put a stick in the water, the stick seems to bend away from you."
These are illusions caused by the light bending when it moves between water and air.

NEGATIVE REFRACTION
The negative refraction achieved by the teams at Berkeley would be different.
"Instead of the fish appearing to be slightly ahead of where it is in the water, it would actually appear to be above the water's surface," Valentine said. "It's kind of weird."

Electrifying conclusion: Of course, they're downplaying the current significance and effectiveness of this technology, probably b/c they're already cloaking shit, and spying on niggas. Anytime I read about some new space-aged tech I automatically assume that we're being told about it 10-20 years after the government has decided what they're gonna do with it. Police forces already have invisible pain rays and hallucinogens that are used for crowd control, which they deny. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility as far as I'm concerned.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

The Electrifying Return

My summer teacher training is over folks. Yes, New York City is gonna entrust me with the education, emotional, and mental growth of a portion of it's youth. I can't do any worse than what's been done already, right?! I've been thinking about all kinds of classroom related things, such as the colors I'll use to decorate my room (X-Clan status baby - "the red, the black, and the green; with the key - sissieeeeeees!!!"), how my school is gonna react to my "Unforgivable Blackness" tatoo (y'all know I aint wearin' long-sleeves all year; but I can't front, it was certainly a liability at a recent job fair - their loss!), and what kind of homework I'm going to give on the first day (yup, I'm killin' their asses with homework, 'cuz it'll keep them occupied during those dangerous afterschool cartoon hours; first day's homework will be "to ask about me." I'm gonna say, "Does anyone know who Mr. Collins is, besides me being your teacher? No? Then ya betta aks somebody." Any student who doesn't know how I get down, and of course none of them will since it will be my first day, will have to literally ask their parents about me. Confused, their parents will demand to know what the meaning of all this is, I will lie and say I never gave such homework, and a number of wonderfully awkward relationships will begin between me and my students' parents. This is my ingenious plan to facilitate parent involvement.) The training was less intense than I thought it would be, but extremely time-consuming. This blog has suffered as a result, but "T.E.C." is a tough sumbitch, a true reflection of it's creator, and we're bouncing right back. Back to all the culture commentary that most folks are scared to say, waiting for somebody else to say, or probably just don't care about. Many things have occurred since we last spoke, and though I often had the urge to strike up a convo, my attention was usually taken by either academic commitments or the pursuit of pervasive pleasures (courtesy of "Jack Daniels" and the stress heaped upon me by the New York City Teaching Fellows). And oh yeah, I'm getting married. In 2 weeks. So yeah, I've been a li'l busy. But enough about me...

After seeing "Dark Knight" (awesome flick, Heath didn't impress me greatly until the last hour, at which time I concluded that the inclusion of the Joker, as portrayed by the late actor, absolutely made the movie - still can't say he was a better Joker than Jack, but his performance was just as entertaining), me and the soon-to-be wife hit a bar somewhere along the E. 80s that featured beer pong, a waitress who definitely seemed like a potential threesome candidate (kidding, somewhat), and projectors showing the opening events of the 2008 Olympics. Did anyone catch those drummers? My goodness, 2008 of 'em in almost perfect synchronization (synchrosity?), and since the sound was down, and 50 Cent was blasting through the speakers, it seemed like they were drumming to "In Da Club" from where we were sitting. But yeah, it looked mad ill. Not ill enough to make me forget that some athletes are wearing masks b/c of the pollution and in labor camps the government is torturing Falun Gong practitioners, who in my ignorant opinion appear to just be flexible, non-violent, zealots, but who knows what damage they can do with all that flexible, non-violent zeal?

Electrifying conclusion: I'm maaaaad nice in beer pong. On some real shit; if it was an Olympic event, I'd probably try out. The catch is, I hate beer (Shout out Grandad's Nerve Tonic though http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNRuiNfjO-Q - that's my shit!). So if I'm not up to having a belly full of hops, I usually designate my partner the team drinker. Small price to pay to be down with a winner...I'm a big Olympics fan in general, but these games just seem unimpressive to me. Maybe it's the Chinese ass-kissing going on on the part of the U.S., who of course is trying to get as much of that Chinese paper as possible, and is shook of potential beef with China. Maybe it's the fact that there's no Marion Jones or Michael Johnson-like character going for some ill feat (then again, I take that back, Michael Phelps is THE MAN, and I wish him luck). Mabye it's the fact that I don't know what hot female competitors to follow and look for accidental nudity pics of. Anyone got any suggestions? Email me at dirtyoldmenwhoarenotevenoldmenyet@stopjudgingme.com.

Random thoughts before I forget...Brett Farve is gonna throw 80 interceptions as a Jet and further tarnish his legacy, but still be an upgrade over Pennington and Clemens...They really need to stop giving us 15 cents worth of chips in a bag that should cost 25 cents, but costs 50 cents...I'm drivin' now folks! Got my first parking ticket and all that. Giving back my first car though (1995 Cutlass Cierra), she just hasn't treated me good enough. I got real aggressive in a matter of 1 week. Seriously. I was a mad safe driver before I found myself driving all over the Bronx, Harlem, and Yonkers for a week. That'll do it!...I'm dying to do karaoke, who's down?...Clay Aiken had a kid with a 50 year chick he's not fucking; they did it thru art-insemi. Apparently the kid was born @ 8:08 on 8/8/08. Do what you will with all that info...I've been a major Maggie Gyllenhaal fan since "Secretary" (I'm definitely into that kinda shit), but she was underwhelming in Dark Knight...Oh shit, did y'all here about "Anonymous?" The group out to destroy the Scientologists (who are maaaad more gangsta than I figured they were)? Maxim, that bastion of mature, objective, and noble journalism, has an ill article on them. They did a Youtube video in response to that INSANE Tom Cruise Scientology video that was leaked. Go do some surfing and check it all out, I'm too lazy to post a link right now...Nah, here ya go - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCbKv9yiLiQ - doesn't do justice to the story though...

Bernie Mac passed away at 50 due to complications from pneumonia. Sucks. He was one of the greatest entertainers ever, in my opinion. Pure funny. It seems like many great black entertainers die young, and I'm not talking about violently. I mean the Bernies, and Luthers, and Gerald Leverts, and Gregory Hineses. I don't know why, but at least the world got to enjoy their immense talents.

Electrifying conclusion: Those herbs who heckled Bernie when he made a MAD funny off-color joke at an Obama fundraiser need to grow some nuts. Even if they were women. If they were men, God help them. Y'all already know how sick I am of these gay-ass straight men running around, all sensitive and in tune with their feminine sides. Shit, I know gay niggas who are straighter than these gay-straight niggas runnin' 'round here! Sometimes I feel like I'ma be the first nigga to gay-bash straight niggas (said the Mr. Overdo It). I ain't got a problem with gays, but with straights who are afraid to act like men. Anywaaay, R.I.P. Bernie, you're being missed already.

Yoooo, did y'all see the whole John Edwards affair scandal?! Dude was smashing another chick while running for president, while his wife was sick wit cancer! This is what the AP said about Johnnie - Nine years ago, John Edwards had this to say about Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky affair: "I think this president has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter." That was mad corny of him, even if he didn't have his own dalliance. It aint no guy's place to crap on another dude in that situation. That's some woman shit. (Damn, maybe I am a chauvinist pig, Rita). Gotta love the way he described his mindstate at the time: "I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic." Do we now apologize for such things? I didn't get the memo.

Electrifying conclusion: From the Clinton denouncement to the weak explanation to the fact that he announced this shit during the start of the Olympics to deflect attention from it, this was a really pussy extramarital affair admission. New York Gov. David Patterson set the standard for how to go about doing it. It was g(-enius, -angsta, -reatness) how he announced his right after Eliot did, on some "A nigga can't look too bad in comparison to this fool if I announce my indescretions right after." While Johnnie was fathering kids and Eliot was grossly overpaying for the pussy, Dave's blind ass was banging out colleagues at the Days Inn uptown. A champion in my eyes. As far as Johnnie, I feel kinda bad, b/c it aint easy being committed. You spend a lotta energy trying not to fuck up a good thing. It's the war of happiness vs. pleasure. The wife provides happiness; the slide, the jump, the affair, the one-night stand, provides pleasure. Then again, sometimes the side thang ends up becoming wifey, which turns everything upside down. I know this all too well. My soon-to-be wife was initially a one-night conquest, on both sides. You never know, do you?

My mind is the subway, full of insane characters, open to anyone with $2...Really, America? Latvia beat you? Seriously?...Miley Cyrus admitted to an intense love affair with Nick Jonas. They're 15 years old. Bet he smashed...Guys my lady says "can get it" - T.I., Matt McConaughey, L.L. Cool J., Will Smith, Morris Chestnutt, Keanu Reeves, and most of all - Boris Kodjoe. Guys, you can't get mad at ya lady for disclosing such things. Chicks, even if they are committed to you, wanna get it in too. If they didn't, how would we ever get any vag?...Jay premiered a track off of his upcoming "Blueprint 3." The series has been stellar so far, better than his "In My Lifetime" series if you ask me, so it has a lot to live up to. I think Jay's game though. This joint is fire - http://www.hiphopgame.com/news.php3?id=2857. Til next time, y'all know what it is...

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

No Child Left Behind (aka Ode To Wesley)

Ode To Wesley (a.k.a. "Ode To The No Child Left Behind Act")

As the 8th period bell sounds off one half Bronx block away,
The fearless group leader approaches the lawless, chaotic world of afterschool activity
anticipating the pouts, the rolled eyes and the sucked teeth which accompany denied requests for an extra snack.
No, you may not have another juice;
No, you may not run down the hall and get me in trouble with my supervisor.
Sit down, you little fuck; no, you may not write on the board.
What you may do, is get me angry enough to tell you what every adult really thinks about you.
Hey Wesley, by 13 years old, you've built up enough self-esteem and security to withstand a little bit of constructive criticism, right?
Besides, it's not all your fault,
Given the name Wesley, you were destined to be the asshole most Wesley's are.
If I wasn't dependent on my extreme tolerance to pay my mortgage, I would tell you this to your pleasantly degenerate little face,
But seeing as how you aren't the most literate creature there Wesley,
I doubt you'd even be able to read my lips.
You and all the other miscreants who've made after-school the Devil's Playground-
Your whinin', your screamin', your beggin', your cursin', your stupidity,
never listening, always talking-
You test my will to be merciful.
No Child Left Behind my ass (pause)
Your poor, poor mother must curse all 12 gods of Mount Olympus every waking day that she bore a child like you, Wesley.
If children are indeed the future, the future must be one big cocksuckin' mistake.
When you're in that jail cell next year, hoping that they're just joshing when they say you might be tried as an adult,
Think back to when your president, George W. Bush, tried to save you-
Tried to save you, Wesley!-
by legislating the No Child Left Behind Act.
And then try to pinpoint the exact moment, this After School Group Leader said,
"Aw, f-ck him! Let's leave this child as far behind as possible."
Happy Trails, Wesley

One Monkey Don't Stop No Show

In this case, the monkey is graduate school. I've let it take me away from my beloved blog, and all of the other tomfoolery I like to engage in. No longer will I be so neglectful; I will try to update every day. I can tell you now that I'll miss a coupla days, but I won't go a week without giving you an electrifying conclusion.

Soooo...what's been goin' on since we last talked? I see the great George Carlin has passed away. I discovered George the same way I discovered Garry Shandling, through a brilliant, short-lived, self-titled Fox sitcom in the '90s. I remember being a kid, feeling like I was being treated to a half-hour of no b.s. comedy (well, some b.s., it was network television). Before then, I had never noticed this walking middle-finger. If there is any one entity who totally represents what I have been about as a rap artist and as a writer, it is George Carlin. The counter-culture hero's smart, cranky, profane, crude, on-the-money observations inform a lot of my music. He was funny up until the very last HBO special I saw him in.

Electrifying conclusion: Did you know George won 4 Grammy's?! Well deserved I'm sure; he might have been the first person to make me understand that common sense isn't so common. I don't get to sentimental over many celebrity deaths, but I'm kinda sad about this one. Hopefully though, he lived a great, fulfilling life. R.I.P. George - you will be sorely missed.

Met's pulled the trigger on the whole Willie Randolph thing finally. Did it real dirty too, after a win, all the way across the country. Fired him in the wee hours of the morning. Heard they aint like his lack of fire (so overrated in a manager/coach, in my opinion), and that Latino players tuned him out a while ago, preferring to give respect to Tony Bernazard. They fired him and the one staff member he was allowed to bring in.

Electrifying conclusion: Man listen, Willie had one of the best runs in Met history. He never stood a chance. I don't think ownership ever wanted him, especially since he's a Yankee institution. They ran with the whole melting pot thing when he started, but they never really wanted him, Omar did. Then you know what happened - the Latin realized it was him or the Black dude, as far as the white ownership was concerned. Can't blame Omar. He said it was his decision. Mighta been his decision, but he aint have a choice, not one that woulda kept him in his position. Believe that.

Kanye West is still wildin' out. Apparently he held up the Bonnaroo Festival b/c he wanted his Glow In The Dark set to have maximum effect. Meaning he went on at like 4am, hours late. The crowd threw dirt on his name, and threw shit on the stage.

Electrifying conclusion: 'Ye said that the organizers were treatin' him like a stepchild from jumpstreet, and he was waitin' for Pearl Jam to clean up their act before he went on. He said that his payday is cut in half b/c of his show, and his shows put much physical strain on him. He's tryin' to say that he gives his all. Too bad he's known for givin' all of his ego. No one's gonna feel sorry for him. The guy MTV crowned the #1 rapper (I happen to agree, all things considered) is also the #1 a-hole. Whether or not that's really him, that's the image he's manufactured; sometimes it works for him, other times, it ends up like this.

Folks are overreacting to some dumb shit Dumb Imus said recently. Al Sharpton's fool ass jumped all over it too...According to Forbes, there are now 10 million millionaires in the world, for the first time ever. Legal millionaires....Heard about the frog that can sprout claws like Wolverine? - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25346676/... You gotta be crazy to support this -brainwave binoculars - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25374031... Rose goes #1 tomorrow? Or Beasley?...My neighbor definitely thinks I'm cute. I definitely think she knows of what she speaks...We'll talk later. Me and you, not me and my neighbor.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

p.s. - What ever happened to Bobby Hurley?

"What I'm Happy About? Bitch, I Just Bought A New Gun!

In the midst of us going to our little trendy lounges and putting on cool shows and arts events and wearing our colorful sneakers and having our little discourse about whatever political topic or film or album or whatever, I want y'all to remember how real it is out here. Some of y'all don't even know, some of y'all forgot, some of y'all want to forget. Some of y'all don't believe it, or think it doesn't really affect you. This short 7-minute video is about the notorious Cabrini Green Housing Projects (so bad that they had to put up gates all the way up the buildings, where there used to be open walkways b/c folks kept gettin' thrown off; so bad that cops got tight when niggas started using those gates as sniper cover; so bad that trash once piled up the garbage chute to the 15th floor of a building, and set on fire; so bad that 9-year old "Girl X" was raped, choked, had her throat stomped on, Roach Killer sprayed in her mouth, and left for dead, ending up paralyzed, blind, unable to talk - the rapist was lucky cops got him before the Gangster Disciples did).


Don't think that New York doesn't have it's Cabrini Greens. Please don't think niggas aint on this same shit just blocks from your loft, a train stop from your favorite bar, and around the corner from where you did your photoshoot. Don't let terms like "SoBro," "SoHa," "Brooklyn Renaissance," "Urban Renewal," "Ratner City," "New Stadiums," and all that put you to sleep. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but just as much as you hear about all the good shit goin' on in New York, and the (fake-ass) historic drops in crime rates, you don't hear about how crazy it is around here also. Maybe you should take some time and Youtube "new york crips" or "new york bloods" or "new york gangs" or "cocaine city" or just use your imagination. To get the whole picture, not just the one you like. Better to be aware and a little on edge, than to be lulled into a false sense of security and have your world destroyed when something happens. A li'l fear, a li'l apprehension, just a li'l bit, is a survival trait. God-given. The N.Y. guys might seem a li'l more "Do this for tv" but don't get it twisted, that's N.Y. mentality, to be flashy. They are no less dangerous. Peep when he lifts his shirt up to show the (shit?)bag attached to his abdomen. At least he tells the kids that this aint the shit (no pun intended) and tells the kids that "every dollar aint a good dollar" and that they should get into a "Higher Power" and respect life. If you have time, you might wanna peep some of the "Related Videos." I was looked for the Bronx shit, and though I understood how niggas get down, I really didn't realize how they've been gettin' it in just blocks from places I've lived. Even back on my old block in Washington Heights, where I spent most of my life, shit is wild, wild, west.

The Femcon

Who the hell uses female condoms?! Seriously. What kinda sissy-boy is out there using a female condom? I would (almost) rather not get any. Condoms are a necessary evil, female condoms are plain unnecessary. First of all, if a guy even posseses one, I'd be suspicious. Why would he have one of those, instead of, like, 500 normal condoms? Is he planning to have sex with a girl who's gonna say "You know what, let's use a female condom today. Normally your 4-inch semi-flaccid penis and premature ejacuation, and my vaginal dryness, is disappointing enough, but today I don't want to experience a second of physical sensation either." I don't think anyone enjoys using those polyurethane anti-awesome devices. And if a chick owns one, she's probably a sex educator who stole it from work, or a sadist who was just waiting for the day you didn't have a normal condom and had to either settle for the femcon or become Jack Mehoff. Those things are not cool.

R. Kelly Not Guilty - Wow

Kells was found not guilty? Really? Shiiiiiiit. You tellin' me that wasn't him?! Fuck was it then? Who the fuck took time to create a computer-generated Kells? I just feel in my heart that this nigga is a flagrant pedophile, and he's gonna get what's coming to him even though he didn't get convicted. Maybe karma has struck him and taken away all of his talent, b/c that "Hair Braider" shit is a fucking musical abomination. And this guy had once-in-a-lifetime talent. Fucking Chester.

Hulk Hurtin', Overrated Angelina, & Wayne-mania

Aint no leg-dropppin' out of this one for the Hulkster. Hulk Hogan's son Nick is in jail for causing a car crash that left his good friend in a permanent vegetative state. Damn. Nick is 17; think he got 8 months. He's suffering in there, and Hulk came to lift his spirits a bit. But apparently, the conversation was made public, and the content of that convo, would be very embarassing for the 6-time WWE/6-time WCW/2-Time AWA World Heavyweight Champion. They talk about showing up to court in the "jumpsuit" instead of regular clothes for the "sympathy factor," Hulk tells Nick not to talk to his mom b/c she might show up with divorce lawyers and all that, you hear Nick sniffling crying sayin he'd "do anything to get out of this room," Nick and Hulk talkin' about "God laying some heavy shit on the kid" who is now a vegetable b/c he was so negative, discussing doing a reality show when he gets out and doing it "where he'll make the most money," even coming up with the title and pitch. Here's one of the Youtube clips:


Electrifying conclusion: Hulk was on Larry King saying that he was just telling Nick anything to get him through his situation. I actually feel that. Although no one deserves what his friend is going through now, being in a vegetative state, maybe he was a real fucked up person. Doesn't mean God crashed the car he was in b/c of it. From what I hear, Hulk was real fucked up during his wrestling career, keeping other wrestlers down and screwing people over for money; you could make the argument that God's paying him back right now, especially since he always wore a cross and was supposedly a Christian. The family's in shambles with Brooke accusing Hulk of smashing her friend (really her 34-year old assistant, and Hulk admits to beating it), and Linda Hogan is out and about with a 19-year old former classmate of Nick and Brookes!

Angelina Jolie is the kind of celebrity that people fawn over so much, and tries so hard to not show that she thinks she's as cool as everyone else does, that she eventually becomes boring. And overrated. I've been tired of every girl saying "if I did screw a girl, it would be Angelina Jolie, I think she's hot." Shut the fuck up. Yeah, she's hot, but you're no hotter for admitting that you've thought about screwing a girl, and that it would be Angelina. It only makes sense that it would be Angelina. Furthermore, I don't believe you; if you wanna prove to me that you'd screw another girl, you gotta do it in front of me. Not 'cause I like that kinda thing, but strictly b/c I think it's wrong for you to be going around pretending to have lesbian tendencies when there are real lesbians with lesbian tendencies walking around. You're just taking attention away from them, and giving girl-on-girl action a bad name.

Electrifying conclusion: First off, she never really makes any dope movies. There I said it. How many classics is she in? Joints that folks can quote and instantly name when they talk about kick-ass flicks? None. Plus, she has 6 kids, has made Brad Pitt into a home-plenty, and she kissed her brother passionately in front of cameras. Ewww. I mean, we get it, you guys are richer, beautifuller, more talented, and more ethical than we are. And way more annoying. And Brad, who has an awesome track record, stopped making kick-ass films once he got with her. The last one was "Ocean's Twelve," ("Thirteen" wasn't a good film, so much as it was Brad and George posturing, but in a cool way, for 2 hours). I don't count "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" b/c it just reminds me of the birth of yet another conjoined celebrity couple (you know, Brangelina, Bennifer, Jayonce, etc.). Fuck "Babel," too high-brow of a title for me to even consider watching it. Actually, Brad made almost all of his kick-ass films in the 1990 - 2000 - "Kalifornia," "True Romance," "Interview With The Vampire," "Se7en," "Fight Club," "Snatch," all that. Beyond "Girl Interrupted," "Original Sin," and "Gia," ("Taking Lives" was i-ight too) Angelina's films have kicked very little ass, but I guess those unique lips (which she only shares with about a couple billion black and latina chicks) and faux-sultry looks she gives with her eyes are enough to captivate and mesmerize the public.

Slow down Weezy, you're killin' em! According to Billboard.com, Li'l Wayne is entering very rare territory for a rapper. We're talkin' about another (fifth) week at #1 for "Lollipop," SEVEN songs as a lead or guest artist on the Top 100, and projected sales of 900,000 for his first week. This may be the most impressive campaign in hip-hop history, rivaled only by Eminem who went over 1 million in a week 2x. Yes, Kanye did 960,000 last year his first week, but that was due to a gimmicky rivalry with 50 Cent. Em did his numbers at a time when Backstreet Boys, N Sync, and Britney were becoming the first artists to do a million in the first week (Garth Brooks was actually first in 1998). That list is still very exclusive, adding folks like Usher, Limp Bizkit, Norah Jones, and 50.

Electrifying conclusion: He may not set a record, but for Weezy to do what he's doing in this horrible climate for selling records, when 300,000 is a huge success, is super-impressive, especially since it's a hip-hop album, and rap has taken the biggest hit. It also goes to show how popular rap is. The last 3 mega-selling first weeks have been for rap albums. That reflects youth from all walks of life buying these records. No other form of music generates the same excitement, and Wayne is the beneficiary of a perfect storm of circumstances.

Make sure you don't miss this FREE Show/BBQ/Awesomefest - I, StarPower, aka The Dguout Power Hitter, got some new songs and The Dugout and Friends got the hottest first day of summer event, for the people. We wanna see ALL OF YOU! Peace.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.

Pssst...This Is Gonna Be Grand - BE THERE!

"The Electrifying Conclusion" takes a break for this very important public service announcement:
This is the event y'all been waiting for. We're talking about The Dugout and Friends shutting down a whole block in Williamsburg on the first day of summer as part of Make Music New York. Free performances of all types will be going on all around the city on the first day of summer, but no one is doing it as big as The Dugout and all of the spectactular artists you see below! Free barbecue, business sponsors, live audio and video streaming, d.j.s, live bands, dancers, rappers, poets, artists. This is the place to be on June 21st; and it will culminate with an UNFORGETTABLE, OUTRAGEOUS Dugout set in the early evening. This block party follows the lead of Dave Chappelle's landmark event by taking Brooklyn by storm. Come eat, listen,dance, celebrate, and be merry as we Take Over Brooklyn, the Brooklyn way, this first day of summer as part of NYC's citywide Make Music New York festival!

*Featured Acts*

Sankofa Presents...

Nova Clutch

Gif

Caktuz Tree..?13 of Wheatbread Radio

The Real Live Show

The Dugout

The Antidote

*Also Featuring*DJs Silva Sir Fa, DJs Stimulus & Dhundee of The Brooklyn Bounce, DJ Parlerand DJ K-Black of The Urban Go Green Tour

sponsors:

Smart Water/Vitamin Water

Honest TeaWheat

Bread Radio

*Contact Cavalier (cavalier@thedugoutmusic.com) if you are interested in a unique sponsorship/promotional opportunity at a great location on a busy Saturday, the first day of summer.*

Event will also be streamed globally via internet radio on WheatBread radioof the PNC Network. Event will also air the following week on LocalTelevision on NROtv. There will also be a virtual concert in Second Life'svirtual Skybar, Cak'z Oasiz.

Hollywood 50, Janet Flippin' the Script, and Skillz Sonnin' Li'l Wayne

Lots of wacky hip-hop news. First off, 50 Cent bought Val Kilmer a $130,000 Impala. Mad random. Apparently, they've become cool while filming, and share a love for whips. *GAG* Fif is real fucking Hollywood son. He knows his days of being a mega-selling artist are over. Think about it, he and Kanye came out on the same day. 'Ye is still dropping videos, world-touring on some of the biggest bills around, and spreading lots of awesome around. As far as Fif, what's his latest single? How many top 10's has he had this time around? This is the same guy who constantly talks about how he writes hits, and no one else knows how. He knows that music isn't gonna keep him relevant. He has to transform into one of those rappers who may not break records anymore, but will still make steady hits, and be popular enough that he doesn't have to sell tons of records. Snoop and Jay are such artists. That may sound crazy, but Snoop really only has one mega-selling album, his debut, and the rest have given him solid platinum plaques. Jay's mega-seller was "Vol. 2," and though he always has monster first weeks and garners a good double- or triple-platinum plaque, he's never the year's top selling rapper (unless he drops multiple albums). Double and triple is great of course (even though that doesn't really exist for rappers anymore, with a coupla exceptions - look at 'Ye's number right now, low considering he sold almost a million the first week), but Jay is universally hailed as the greatest, most popular, most consistent, best rapper of the last 10 years. He has a line where he says "the only dudes movin' units - Em, Pimp Juice, and Us." Well, while Jay was puttin' up respectable triples, Em was putting up a coupla almost-diamond albums, and a quadruple that was a disappointment! Nelly (Pimp Juice), who is actually on the decline, put out an almost-diamond, a sextuple, and 2 on the same day, which each went multi-platinum. Even DMX was outselling Jay in both of their sales-heydays. Snoop's number are usually half of Jay's, but rappers like Snoop and Jay are so respected for being great rappers, and so prolific, that they will always sell a good amount, whereas a rapper like Nelly can seem one or two corny albums away from irrelevance as an artist, and Eminem/DMX can seem one breakdown away from temporary obscurity. Jay and Snoop also make tons of headlines, and garner positive press, for ventures outside of rap. Plus, they are looked at as trailblazers, inventors of a cool, unique style that no one has been able to imitate. Em, X, and 50 have lots of Pac in their dna. If you like them, you can get a fix by listening to some 'Pac if they don't have anything out. But Snoop is too original, and Jay too sharp, for you to feel satisfied by anything but their music when you need to hear it.

Electrifying conlusion: I think 50 will remain relevant b/c he is very talented, makes dope songs, and he's very rich, which gives him lots of respect by the mainstream. As long as he stays rich, he'll be fine. Yeah, I know. Easier said than done.

Janet Jackson remixed a Plies track. I would be outraged, but her songs have been just as bad as his lately, so it makes sense. In a li'l bit of role-reversal, she added singing to "Buss It Baby, Part 2," the song I hate the most right now, unjustly giving it some measure of artistic validity. I have nothing against Plies, I actually liked "Shorty," but I think he needs to step up his lyrical game a bit, and improve his flow. He does have an authentic swagger though, and that's rare nowadays, so I'll give him that.

Electrifying conclusion: Remix had to be JD's idea. I'll let him live for now, b/c he killed that "Fallin'" track off of "American Gangsta," but that deferment will wear off soon if he doesn't make up for this debacle.

Please tell me y'all feel this. Please do. This is Skillz completely, and maturely, putting Li'l Wayne (who is one of my very favorite rappers) in his place for his "fuck d.j.s" comment:

Iiight so fuck the dj? For real? Wow! First lemme say I dont get alot of radio/club play, sometimes my record dont apply & I can understand that but I dont care if I had no spins on my record I would never say fuck a dj. No DJ at all, I wouldnt say fuck a DJ that I dont know!! lol It just baffles me how the hottest artist out right now can say Fuck the dj’s!! Where would he be without the DJ tho? Real talk, I hear his records and its always a dj playing it. Be it on the radio, in the club or on a cd. If you hot then DJ’s gon fuck with you but they are part of the reason you hot, its a tag team kinda combo. You rap on everyone’s song (whether they want you to or not) you jump on cats tracks and send em out to the world, wouldn’t you want someone to think its hot enuf to play? So then I heard him on Drama and he said ” Fuck them dj’s”! Niggas takin my music and puttin out CD’s that aint official. Nigga? You rapped on 70 songs that wasn’t official! Alot of these DJ’s are branding you. They making you hot! If a kid grabs a best of cd from the barbershop he bought that for some of your new shit, If I asked him what CD he got he’s gon say yours, not DJ (insert name here) presents you! You gave DJ’s the option to play whatever you made…YOU gave them the option, you rapped on everything. Its crazy how cats do DJ’s after they get to the point that they want to get to. No single, you been rapping over everyone else’s shit for more than a year , you even book shows and do mixtape songs for over a year and right before your album drops its FUCK THE DJ??!?! You said it aint about the money so why would you care if they make a little change on a mixtape or attempt to keep thier name up by formatting and sequencing some of the music that you put out for FREE?? Some of these cats work at a radio station and clock in for two hours a day if that! They gotta hustle( clubs, weddings, parties, mix cds) just like you for the bread but now its fuck them? I’d go rap at a DJ’s daughter’s 8th birthday party ( and do drops while I was there) to make sure I’m in good standing with him/her, cuz as long as I make records Im always going to need them. Even when he called in to clear the shit up he still didnt really. Wow..yall made him the hottest rapper out and he said fuck yall & then said fuck yall again? See how these cats do you? Yall really need to support the artists that support you. Yall have the power to change this shit. I have a new record and album coming out and if I asked a dj if he had my record he could look me in my face and say he doesnt have 1 Skillz record in his Serato & I wouldnt say fuck him! Im scared of what would happen to my career if I did that. But my question is how can you make rap music and say fuck the dj and have a career, thats what the fuck I wanna know.

Speak Skillz.

"Did You Ever Realize, That You Were A Champion...In Their Eyes?"

Yes I did...

But this aint about me, I forgot to tell y'all about this last week. I was on the 4 train, and a cute, young hipsterette blankita (w/no bra, enticingly small perkies, hard nipples, and a thin spaghetti-strap shirt) walks onto the train. She then proceeds to remove a box from her bag on this not so empty train, and pulls out what looks like a dildo. It didn't look like your classic dildo, so I just figured it was a massager of some sort, and others probably did also. She then starts looking it over, smiling a bit, reading some sort of manual. She then sits right below where I was leaning against the car door. As I peer down into the manual, I realize, yup, it's a dildo. It said something about how you should lubricate the first time, and all that good stuff. Mind you, there were a lot of folks on this train. That was gangsta. She had to have gotten off on that. And she knew I was all up in her toy and it's manual as she sat below me. She gave me some interesting glances as she left the train, too. Yeah, I'm awesome, but her - she wins. A champion in my eyes.

I'm StarPower, and I approve this message.